An affair to forget

Started in 2001, the website invited users to have affairs with other married or single people promising complete anonymity. However, going by what the last few weeks had unravelled, secrets always came out and Chennai seemed to have a lot of them.

When Dr. Sahiba Sultana, a neuropsychologist at Apollo Hospital, was asked what pushed people to have affairs, she said it was mostly when people felt left out in their relationships, they chose to seek love outside. “In arranged marriages usually, there is a chance that the husband and wife don’t share a proper mental compatibility. When by chance they happen to meet someone outside, like at work place or in this case, on a website they become more open to making friendships or creating emotional bonds if they share a good vibe. Only in some cases, the friendship also turns to an intimate physical relationship.”

Dr Abhilasha, also a psychologist and a marital therapist, said sometimes one commits adultery as a way of “taking revenge” on their spouse, if the spouse has also committed some mistake that may have caused hurt and pain. “These days, people have also become self centered and don’t really care about the hell that they put their partner through by having an extra marital affair.”

The psychologists also agree that social networking sites have led to people reuniting with old flames and while they may start off as friends, the romance always seeps through, especially if one of them is unhappy in their marriage.

According to Dr. Senthil Kumar, the problem, however, has more to do with the relationship itself and the high expectations. He also blames globalisation of the city in the last few years as one of the reasons for adultery.

In her 22 years of experience, Dr Sultana said she had always had lots of couples approaching her for help after one of the spouses committed adultery. However, she felt that statistics seemed to show higher numbers these days because people were more open to confessing their actions. “Usually in surveys, the interviewee is promised that their identity won’t be revealed, so they don’t hesitate to own up to their misdeeds.”

Dr Abhilasha also said even though her patients with adultery issues had been constantly increasing, she felt that people in Chennai may commit more adultery than those in other cities, but they also regretted and took efforts to make amends to their relationship.

While marriages are made in Heaven, affairs seem to happen on Ashley Madison, however while their tagline is “Life is Short. Have an affair.” It seems that the recent hacking has cut short the “affair dreams” of many.