Greet each other
The first conversation a couple has after spending some time apart (whether or not that is for the duration of a regular work day, or for a few days/weeks) is apparently, a predictor for the relationship’s stability, studies have established. Poelman says when the two of you express happiness/interest/excitement when you see each other, it makes a real difference to your relationship. That first greeting sets the tone for later interactions as well, since the emotions from it tend to linger, and colour, your behaviour towards each other. So a smile and a hug can go a long way.
Kiss more
Research has found that one in five married couples do not kiss for up to a week at a time, because of the demands of their professional lives, family commitments, exhaustion etc. Poelman says that needs to change. You can make a conscious decision to kiss your partner at least once a day — and we don’t mean a perfunctory peck on the cheek, but a nice, long, loving one! There’s a very real benefit to this — a study by Arizona State University found that couples who followed this practise reported reduced stress, greater relationship satisfaction — and even a decrease in their levels of bad cholesterol! Physically affectionate couples have been found to be able top better handle stress by other studies as well. Need more motivation?
Say ‘thank you’
It is a good practice to maintain a gratitude journal — a little book where you jot down all the things you’re thankful to your spouse/partner for. It could be the tiniest of things, but keeping a record of it makes a real difference. Relationship studies have established that when a partner feels appreciated, he/she ensures that they make their partner feel even more appreciated the next day. This “reciprocal appreciation”, when maintained over a period of time, is an indicator of relationship longevity.
Smells like team spirit
What does this mean? Speak in terms of “we” not “I”. Poelman says this is one of the simplest ways to drive home the message that the both of you are a team. It presents you as a
united entity rather than as two disparate individuals.
Celebrate good news
A study observed people in long-term relationships and examined what the effects were when partners reacted in an enthusiastic, encouraging manner, a quietly supportive manner or in a disinterested and discouraging manner to their significant other’s good news. While those with the discouraging/disinterested partners obviously reported low levels of relationship satisfaction, even those with quietly supportive spouses reported similarly low marital happiness. Clearly, it is not enough to be happy about your partner’s accomplishments — you have to show that you’re happy too. So, Poelman, recommends, the next time either of you has something to celebrate — make sure you do celebrate it in the most loving way possible.
Think positively of each other
The sad news is that the longer you’re together, the more likely you are to think negatively of your partner’s everyday actions — so says the research on the subject. On the other hand, when researchers studied a group of newlywed couples, they found that they were more likely to come up with positive explanations for their partner’s behaviour (“He didn’t put away his clothes today because he’s been so busy” versus a negative interpretation like, “He’s so lazy, he didn’t even put away his clothes today”). It seems long-term couples may want to take a leaf out of this book, and think positively about their partners, even in the tiniest possible ways.
