As a man, I am happy to submit to the control of a woman. Not only do they steer better, they even stop to ask for directions. Good thing for them one needn’t parallel park the ship of life, else we men would be back in the driver’s seat even if momentarily so.
But there are a few things where control should be bequeathed to us men indefinitely, fields where we clearly have a higher scale of involvement than women and hence, it would be only fair to allow us to decide how things move in those domains. And these are not the stereotypical queries of which car to purchase or which insurance policy to buy — I believe women are as adept as men at these, if not far better — but the more innate-sounding quotidian chores that one would never imagine could be so intensely aggravating to your man. What follows is a sample list of a handful, something to give you an idea of what anguish your man may be facing while you unknowingly go about your cushy life.
In Matters of Attire: No woman should ever be allowed to purchase any article of clothing that (i) is tough to fold, (ii) wrinkles like a pickled octogenarian, and is also (iii) impossible to iron. The reason man invented nylon was so that their ironing burden would be reduced. For, unlike men’s clothes which are mostly cotton and pretty straightforward, women’s clothes are the brainchild of devilish designers who were possibly slapped around a lot by the boys at school and this, two decades down, is their idea of revenge:
To put such inexplicable folds and unfathomably complex pleats on a dress that her man would suffer endless torture every time they plan to step up for a social do. There should be an unsaid rule where a woman would choose the garments she likes and then her man analyse which he can iron within a reasonable time limit, failing which such clothes should be relegated and remain unsold. And if in case your man, like me, has a bit of an OCD then refrain from anything that is off-shoulder or worse still, has only one sleeve!
Home Aromas: Contrary to what you might be inclined to believe, men are generally more plaintive than women. Oh wait, you agree. Well, in such instance, it would be best to let men decide those things that aren’t really significant till they decide to notice and get annoyed with them. Room fresheners, fabric softeners, aroma candles, all these are soft points in the male psyche, easy to rile one up by simply putting pressure here. Women may think their man doesn’t care but the truth is, the wrong aroma can become the deal-breaker in many cases. So, unless you are trying to lose a guy in ten days, let him choose what the house smells like.
Cereals: No man shall ever eat cereal that is not personally verified and certified to not taste like horse fodder. This was a decree implanted in our genes so don’t try and reverse engineer with all that “nutritious” fibre crap they advertise on TV. Men lead a bovine existence as it is, to then have some vile husk-porridge shoved down our gullets is simply too confusing. Do not decide our breakfast cereal. Let us buy the most audaciously coloured artificially sweetened junk out there, for there is something to be said for the Placebo Effect.
I can list a good few others which, as innocuous as they may sound, are in fact utterly crucial to relational harmony. If you still don’t believe me, why don’t you try changing the dog shampoo and see if your Valentine gift takes a downward turn?
The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine
