Television advertisements have macho men meekly submitting to “improvements” of complexion with fairness creams, magazines fill their advertisement pages with parlours promising overnight size zero figures. So many perceptions float around that might muddle our beliefs or make our self-esteem topple over like toy blocks to the floor. So many preconceived notions and widely accepted norms about what is right and wrong, what defines success and failure, what is a desirable figure size, skin tone and so much more that many of us succumb to! As a result, we live lives dissatisfied with ourselves and our lot to varying degrees that sooner or later begin to affect our relationships with people.
Sure, there are standards of aesthetics and beauty that abound. Lean, mean men cause female hearts to flutter and slim women with pert chins cause ripples of appreciation in males; material success denotes achievement and power. And all of this affects our personal well-being, demotivating us tremendously. Psychologists suggest that low self-esteem is partly the result of our genetic make-up and partly the outcome of conditioned mindsets coming from childhood influences, and it eventually ends up in poor relationship management.
Excessive expectations from even loving parents or their largely well-meaning critical demeanour can leave a child with long-lasting self-esteem issues. And in India, relatives, friends and other varieties of busy-bodies feel entirely free to invade our being with often insensitive jibes, jokes and personal comments.
Low self-esteem causes fear, limits growth, affects your love life and you become self-destructive, allowing yourself to be treated badly because you actually feel that you deserve it. You may end up choosing a partner who is not good for you because they match the poor opinion you have of yourself. To have an authentic, rewarding relationship, you have to first work on yourself. You are not alone. You can and must leave behind your low self-esteem and work with the you of today. Focus on dwelling strongly on your plus points. Reflect on relevant role models.
Spirituality also suggests that each being is created unique and is a work of divine craftsmanship. You do not have to twist and turn yourself to conform. You are not an assembly-line toothpaste and are equipped with the basic instincts and drive to live life to the fullest.
Let your own comfort level drive your motivations. Write your script on the blackboard of your milieu, but write the script that is comfortable and create your own happiness. If you want to be size zero, it’s your happiness quotient that will drive you towards it. What other people think of you is none of your business, because you define your own sunshine patch.
The author is a luxury consultant. Mail her at nishajamvwal@gmail.com
