There once was a time when having a successful dating life was all about having the right approach and a clever, non-cheesy pick-up line, or putting your best foot forward. As more people seek out dates online, however, those rules have — well, maybe not changed, but they’ve certainly been tweaked. Is that Tinder profile photo you’ve put up really saying that you’re a “fun-loving, goofball”? Or is it saying that you’re a bit of a nut? And is waiting a month before you meet that girl you’ve been chatting up online really a good idea? Remember, there are no hard-and-fast rules to succeed at the online dating game, but keep just a few of these handy pointers in mind, and we can tell you that you’ll get a whole lot more out of the experience.
Note the “tipping point”: Experts have found that when it comes to online dating, there’s a very clear “tipping point” — They suggest that you set up a face-to-face meeting with your date within 17-23 days of first making contact. Less than that, and you take the risk of not really knowing anything of consequence about the person before you meet him or her, and the date ends up going down the drain. Too much longer than that time frame, on the other hand, and you end up idealising the person so much or building so many expectations around them, based on your chats, that the actual meeting is a real let-down. But stick to the 17-23 days time frame and you’re in a comfortable zone.
Keep it chirpy: What kinds of profile descriptions get the most hits? Those with an optimistic or positive tone, and which are kept short — experts recommend “97 words” as the magic limit. They also report that people who use adjectives like “fun” and “happy” to describe themselves in their bios are more popular with the opposite sex than those who don’t. Also, using short descriptions works better than making statements. For instance, rather than just saying “I love cooking”, you might try typing out an evocative, succinct description of your idea of a perfect meal, including the dishes you’d serve.
Make your own formula: Most dating sites work by using algorithms — matching your interests and preferences with those of other users to find the best fit. But having your own algorithm can also help you navigate the options you have in a better way. Write out the top 10 characteristics — be as specific as possible — that you’re looking for, and assign each quality points (most important gets highest points, and then the second most important quality gets second highest points and so on…). Next, write out 10 characteristics that won’t necessarily be deal-breakers, but are still important to you. Assign points to these as well. When you access a profile, check how many points you would give the person based on the information they’ve provided or you’ve gathered. If they meet your minimum point requirement, agree to or ask for a date. If not, move on to the next profile. It’s a straightforward way of making what may otherwise be a confusing decision.
Figure out what you want: This one’s down to common sense — You need to find a dating platform or app that works for you. If you’re looking for something long-term, then Tinder is obviously not where you should be looking. An equivalent of an OK Cupid might be more up your alley. But if you’re looking for a casual flirtation, then you’re better off with a Tinder type app. Incidentally, what you are looking for also changes depending on what your intentions are — at least for women. For instance, a study found that women who’re looking for a long-term partner, tend to rate men with softer features as more attractive. But when women are looking for a one-night stand or sex, then they rate men with chiselled cheekbones, strong jawlines and more facial fuzz as being more attractive. For men, on the other hand, the intention doesn’t matter. Women with bigger eyes, fuller lips and small chins get rated as more attractive — whether men are looking for a serious relationship or a casual fling.
Think before you post that photo: What does your profile photo say about you? Well, a lot more than you think. Experts say that we unconsciously pick up certain cues from seeing a person’s profile photo — from posture, facial expressions, even the kind of photo that you’ve put up. Close-ups, for instance, get people rated as less attractive, less trustworthy and less competent, researchers at Caltech have found. Apparently, the distance between the camera and your face actually makes a difference — too close and there is a kind of “geometric warp” that is created in the image, unseen to the naked eye but influencing the viewer’s perception nonetheless. Also, people whose profile photos depict them standing with their arms behind their backs, with their feet pointing towards the camera (in full-length images) and smiling widely are generally perceived as “extroverted”, “outgoing” and “popular” by others. And women, check the amount of make-up you have on in that profile photo — a study by a team of researchers at Bangor University found that men rate women sporting the “natural” look as more attractive than those heavily made up. Another study found that men also rated the women whose profile photos were deemed non-Photoshopped (or otherwise digitally altered) as being more trustworthy.
