Co-parenting isn’t exactly an easy solution for parents who have parted ways
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Hyderabad: After Hollywood stars Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner broke the news of their divorce, they also announced that they would continue to live together “in the same property” to co-parent their three children. They’ll be having separate living units though. While the love may be lost between couples, life coaches suggest that it shouldn’t translate into parents giving up their responsibilities.
If their word is anything to go by, then “co-parenting”, a situation where separated or divorced or even unmarried couples take the responsibility of bringing up their children jointly, could be the best possible outcome for their little ones. So Ben and Jennifer might just be doing the right thing, even though it can appear to be a sticky situation on the surface.
Khyati Birla, a life coach, says, “Co-parenting can be a good option if the parents stay together to provide a sense of stability for the children. However, if the decision isn’t amicable, it may backfire and affect your child’s perspective on relationships.” It also entails breaking the news to the child/children without hiding anything. If both parents, instead of merely parting ways, sit together with their child and explain their stance, it could just make the bitter pill a little easier to swallow. Children between 5 and 10 years especially don’t undertand the concept of separation or divorce, yet they are grown enough to have several questions. So things need to be explained to them with great care, say experts.
For slightly older children (10 years or above), one needs to explain how two grown ups can have ideological differences that cannot be mended. Life coach Veechi Shahi says, “Children are very sensitive and at times, they feel responsible for the disagreement between parents. It is essential that parents, once they have made the decision to
separate and co-parent, should share the decision with the children.”
While it sounds magnanimous on the parents’ part to set their differences aside and co-parent their child, it can be a tough task, especially if the split was difficult. Khyati says, “Doing what is best for the kids is the first priority. See to it that your issues with your co-parenting partner are resolved privately.”
Life coach Milind Jadhav advises that children should be kept away from fights between their parents, irrespective of whether or not they are together. “You keep the child out of the divorce the same way you keep your child out of any fight you have with your partner, even when you are not separated. If the couple is serious about co-parenting and don’t agree on how to do it, it is best to take professional help. The magic solution is to give up righteousness: Give up on your right to be right.”
( Source : deccan chronicle )
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