My idea of spirituality has evolved: Vidya Balan

Vidya Balan, who was the first heroine to be assigned the “hero” tag, following the back-to-back successes of Kahaani and The Dirty Picture, had a few missteps after that high point. And soon she slowly disappeared from the scene. She was still in the news though, thanks to several rumours that did the rounds about her personal and professional life. Recalling that time, Vidya, says, “I realised that the only way I can maintain my sanity is by not taking anything seriously. So I stopped reading the papers and I never know what is being said about me.”

The long break seems to have worked wonders for her. This is a new Vidya, refreshed, recharged giving this interview. The smile is still intact. She had some health issues last year for which she had to opt out of Sujoy Ghosh’s project. When she finally resumed work, she only committed to Hamari Adhuri Kahaani. “I am not really that much into PR, neither am I on social media, which is why I have been away. When there is a film release, I have something to talk about. Else what do I even say? But probably my absence was really noticed,” she says.

Her stance on social media seems far removed from the industry in general. “I really don’t know what to say to people all the time. I sometimes check out these pictures on Instagram and I am amazed. The other day I saw Miley Cyrus saying, this is my Sunday morning face. I am like what! Why do you want us to know what is your Sunday morning face? Then next you are going to tell us whether you have brushed or not.” Point out to her that there could be a million fans out there who would love to see how Vidya looks on a Sunday morning, or every morning for that matter and she just trails into peals of laughter, that ends with “I don’t know.”

Even while she was battling health issues she didn’t walk away from her film commitments and went ahead with Ghanchakkar and Shaadi Ke Side Effects. “I was married then and I thought if I walk out of these projects now, people will assume I am doing so because I am a married woman now and I am losing interest in work. So I kept pushing myself. But by the time I was done with Bobby Jasoos, my health had really deteriorated. So I called Bhatt saab and Sujoy and told them I couldn’t take on their projects. I realised I should have taken a break a lot earlier,” she says.

However, Mahesh Bhatt was clear that Hamari Adhuri Kahaani would not be made without Vidya Balan. “He said to me the script is mine and that I could keep it. The film could be made after a year or even 10 years. The choice was mine. I was really moved by his gesture,” Vidya says. However, since her co-star Emraan Hashmi’s son was not well at that time, the makers were pushing for the film to not get delayed any further. She continues, “After watching Arth, Saraansh, Daddy, I had always wanted to work with Mahesh Bhatt. But by the time I came to the industry, he had given up direction. After I spoke with him I couldn’t stop myself from getting all teary eyed. For someone like him to say ‘take this script’, it’s a huge deal. My hero, Bhatt saab, had lived up to his image. And even though he is not directing anymore, he is writing events from his life. If someone is ready to do so much for me, how could I not take up the film?”

While outwardly Vidya looks like she could give a lot of actresses a run for their money, even without a tinge of makeup on her, the actress reveals that spiritually too she is a changed person now. “I am someone who has always prayed. There was a time when I would go to temples a lot, right from my school days. Even though I have been brought up in a family that prays, no one was as crazy as me. They would tease me in fact. My sister would not want to come with me to the temple because I would sit and pray there for long. I remember, when Vidhu Vinod Chopra would call me during Parineeta days, I would invariably miss his call because I would always be in the temple. I would think I needed to go to every possible temple to pray. But with time, the process has grown to be a lot more internal,” she says. Her fame too had a part to play in that.

Vidya continues, “It’s no longer that much about needing to go out. I do like to go to temples but only when no one’s there. Because if there are people, you don’t get that inner peace. Nowadays, I just sit at home and pray. I don’t even know if I pray as actively as I used to. Probably, my idea of spirituality has evolved. Previously, I used to think that God is in the temple then slowly as you go through life you begin to see God in other people. You realise that people are coming into your life at a particular time, they are facilitating things, and then finally I think you begin to see that God is actually within you. I think I am somewhere in between. It could be ‘God’ or a supreme power or a supreme energy, whatever you’d like to call it — but I do believe that now it’s in me.”