Women, allow me to confide something in utter honesty: In a relationship, the type that involves two people, both currently living, there can exist no such thing as utter honesty. Not if you want the relationship to last. Utter honesty is that sharp slick blade you introduce to a relationship like a cold flame to a rope that dangles the sword: Once it snaps, it severs. I am also aware of the dichotomy that women want that we tell them everything blatantly and outright, notwithstanding the consequences. And all men know that the said consequences will only be detrimental. One-way-ticket-to-sleep-on-the-couch detrimental, really.
Time has taught us that women are just not strong enough to and allow me to quote Hollywood here “handle the truth”. They may think they are but they couldn’t be any weaker, as vulnerable as a flower in a truck’s path. And don’t worry, I am going to tell you what those truths are. In fact, I am going a step further and suggesting that one man for every 100 should take up the job of being truth-purveyor and do all the truth-telling for the keeps of those 100 men.
That way, the women will see the black and the white and their male companions will be spared the agony of knowing what they want to say but never having the courage to say it.
This truth-purveyor would be entrusted with the job of telling women everything they need to know but don’t wish to be told, least of all by their partners. Another way to look at this gentleman’s job is that he will basically handle all rhetoric and set the record straight once and for all.There are many things that his job profile would dictate that he address.
Here are the salient ones:
Top on the list, exactly which dress make you look fat.
Are you really fat and do you need to join a gym. (Like, maybe yesterday!)
Where to draw the fine line between make-up and clown face.
How much time is it okay to take to get ready for a party.
Did your man really forget or did you forget to tell him in the first place and are now just playing on his gullibility to make him feel guilty.
Could your cooking really kill someone.
Did you truly act psychotic during last night’s argument.
Do you sometimes act psychotic.
Do you act even more psychotic when you are told that you are acting psychotic.
When is it okay to bring up the ex and other past instances of just about anything that has ever occurred. Actually, scratch that, the answer is already a given and even I can spell that one out for you: NEVER.
Also, this doesn’t mean that said truth-purveyor would have to die a lonely death for he, too, in turn, would have a similar arbitrator. He would himself be part of another 100 men being served by this man. And so, each one does his turn. Gives a whole new twist to taking one for the team, doesn’t it? This could create a brave new world, one where utter honesty could co-exist with tacit diplomacy. And everyone could then live happily ever after: Man, woman and their truth-budsman.
The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine
