Trait talk
You could be poles apart in temperament and still be compatible. For instance, your partner might be more assertive while you may be the more laid-back one. He or she might be the ambitious one while you yourself might want creative freedom over hierarchical or financial growth. Your attitudes needn’t be the mirror image of each other — as long as they are complementary. If you are able to find a way to balance out each other’s excesses, you’ll find that compatibility isn’t an issue for you.
Share a value system
Does your partner prize money over family? Does she or he value the truth at all cost, even if it means hurting someone? What are your thoughts on sharing responsibilities — be it household chores, financial commitments or filial ones? Sometimes, it doesn’t matter whether or not you love the same books, movies, songs or sports and for the same reasons — sometimes, what matters more is that you value the same things as the other. Our values, aspirations and what we hold as priorities are often what dictate our actions and decisions, and ultimately, the course of our lives. As long as your partner’s values and yours are in accord, you know that you will always be steering in the same direction, instead of reaching for opposing goals. In a crisis especially, this shared value system is vital, because you know, without having to communicate, that the both of you are in accord on how to deal with the problem.
Lifestyle
How much do you like to socialise? How much do you like to stay home? How important is leading an active, athletic life to you? And would you rather be budgeting your monthly expenses for eating out, shopping for the latest labels or spending as much as you can on the latest gadgets? It’s not necessary for a couple to agree on what their leisure time activities should involve, but a basic agreement on what kind of a lifestyle you both prefer is a pretty good indicator of compatibility, say experts.
Openness
Do you find yourself hiding more from your partner than you actually share? Just how comfortable do you feel discussing matters that are terribly important to you, your hopes, fears and dreams with him or her? While we would all love for our partners to be the one person we have the best conversations with, that may not always be the case. A friend, sibling, parent or colleague may be someone you share the better repartee with. But as long as you don’t feel any hesitation in discussing your innermost thoughts with your partner, or don’t feel the need to conceal parts of your personality from him or her, you should be doing okay in the compatibility department.
In the company of others
If the both of you have a circle of mutual friends that you love spending time with, as a couple, that’s wonderful. If you don’t particularly get along with each other’s friend circles, that is still not an insurmountable obstacle. But if you find that you’d rather be spending time with your friends, colleagues or others than your partner and that the same goes for him or her you’re in serious trouble.
There are couples who do lead separate social lives, but there has to be something that you find in the company of your partner and not just in the bedroom that keeps you together. It could be the comfort you find in each other at the end of a long day, or a restfulness, or the knowledge that he or she is the one person who doesn’t judge you for what you say. But if you’re avoiding spending time with your partner or treat it as a chore, it’s a sure sign that you’re soon going to be looking for a way out.
