Pop culture props
The sex toy industry is as inspired by pop culture trends as any other ahem creative field. And while you’ll always find the classics (vibrators, massagers et al) around, once in a few years toys emerge that are entirely – and may we say, in rather extreme fashion – dedicated to a current craze.
A case in point is the Twilight-inspired “vampire sex” line that many manufacturers were coming up with a little while ago: Apart from more harmless things like panties imprinted with Edward Cullen’s face (his lips positioned just so) there was the deathly pale reproduction of his well… reproductive tool.
Instructions included – and we kid you not – placing said implement in the freezer for a little while before use, to get the full effect of having sex with a vampire. Now we’re all for a little bit of role play and fun (“Princess Leia, may I present — my light sabre?”) but any extreme props that can cause discomfort, we say, don’t be in a rush to try them out.
Bragging rights
A lot of people love to brag about their sex liveshow much of it they’re having, and how it’s so much more better than what you’re having. But while that bragging may have in earlier times, been restricted to conversations between your own social circle, people are now bragging about their sexual escapades to thousands of strangers, with the use of apps. For instance, one app (I Just Made Love) allows you to record each of your sexual encounters on a site (entries via the app have been described as a notch on your figurative bedpost).
A map on the app’s homepage lets you see who is having what kind of sex and where in which part of the world. Then there’s the #aftersex selfie, where couples put up post-coital selfies on social media. Is there any reason complete strangers need to know that you just had sex? It wasn’t cool in the locker room, and it’s not cool on Facebook/Instagram/ Twitter.
Positioning
Just when you got comfortable with the “69”, sex gurus announce that the next big thing is the ‘77’. Confused? We don’t blame you. While experimenting with new positions is always a bonus, there is such a thing as trying too hard. Sandra Bullock may have boasted about being a “sexual pretzel” in Two Weeks Notice, but if you’re like the rest of us, we’re thinking the full flexibility of a Russian contortionist isn’t something you possess.
Paying too much attention to the details of every new sexual position that is talked/written about can make sex seem mechanical and uncomfortable — not to mention leaving you with a possibly sprained limb. If it feels unnatural or painful don’t try it. And don’t get too disconsolate if by the time you master the “77”, they’re already tom-tomming the “83”.
App-y endings
Apps these days don’t just help you brag about sexual escapades they help you “quantify” them as well. An app called “Passion” uses all the features of an iPhone (the microphone, accelerometer etc.) to give you a “score” for your performance in bed.
The parameters the app judges you on include duration, intensity and activity and once you receive your score, it provides you with a graph so you can compare your sexual performance with that of others around the world. While other performance measuring apps may not work at quite such an advanced level of computation, do we need to explain why this is a bad idea?
In hot water
It may seem like a naughty idea indeed to have sex in a jacuzzi, hot tub or out in the ocean. If you were to ask a medical expert, however, he/she would advise you against it. Chances are that you’ll find yourself in quite a bit of hot water (and we don’t just mean literally) if you try to follow this fad.
Not only does water dry out the lubrication that occurs when you’re excited (or wash away any other lube you may have used), places like hot tubs and jacuzzis are a breeding ground for bacteria which in turn can lead to severe infections. That swimming pool too isn’t the best option for a sexy romp: The chlorine in the water acts as a major irritant on your manly (or girly) bits. We’re sure that’s not the kind of itch you’re looking to scratch.
