Sell the concept
Duh! Sounds obvious doesn’t it? But too many people balk at making a permanent commitment because the little glimpse they’ve had of what it might be like doesn’t seem entirely appealing. Marriage is hard work, has its share of rough spots and demands many sacrifices. But that kind of permanent togetherness can be wonderful too. Now, once again, too many people veer towards the extreme end of the spectrum when using this little ruse, making themselves and the circumstances of being with them supremely wonderful. That can be construed as lying, in a sense, because no one is at their most perfect best all of the time, and setting up your partner’s expectations in that direction can only lead to disaster. But what if you highlighted, subtly, the good part of being committed to each other? Being supportive in a tough time, being extra caring when he/she is down — maybe even pointing to a couple friend who really complement each other?
T’was your idea
Now this one will require a fair bit of genius or a whole lot of evil cunning! Before you start thinking that we mean whispering “you want to commit” repeatedly in his/her ear while they’re asleep let us disabuse you of the notion. What this means is that you need to let your partner believe that the idea to make a commitment was really his/her own. If you use a few of the tactics we’ve discussed here right, you might get there. The point of these “plays” is that he/she confronts the fear of change that is making them hold back from making a permanent commitment, and want to embrace a newer, steadier phase of togetherness.
Relative effect
Nagging, inquisitive, persistent relatives relatives who refuse to melt into the woodwork despite your best attempts probably figure somewhere in the list of top 20 universal irritants. But they have their uses. If it’s laziness, a reluctance to rock the status quo that is keeping him/her from proposing a permanent commitment, then a nagging relative who’s only too concerned about when their little niece/nephew is going to tie the knot, can be a boon. Where your subtler hints may have failed to shake him/her out of their stupor, a droning diatribe or two from Pammi Aunty about “shaadi kab kar rahe ho beta?” may just do the trick.
Set a date
Now there’s a very thin line between issuing an ultimatum and setting a deadline. An ultimatum involves you throwing out a challenge to your partner “Commit, or else…”. The implicit alternative of course, is that you’ll walk out. Setting a deadline, on the contrary, is more about saying, “Listen, I want you to have this time to think about where you want us to go, and you need to let me know by the end of this year”. Once the time period for thinking things through is up, yes, there might just be the possibility that you’ll end the relationship or that you’ll decide to continue the way you are.
Jealousy
The jealousy trick works simply: It is meant to prick the competitive side of your partner and make him/her very, very aware of the fact that when it comes to wanting to be with you, they aren’t the only fish in the sea. While some people can carry the trick to an extreme by actually going out on dates with their partner’s potential rivals, there’s a not-so-extreme version as well. A simple nudge, or an allusion about wanting to explore your options is equally or more effective than fanning the flames of a full-blown jealousy. The objective is to make the other person realise that they might just lose you, so they better hang on to you.
