Few things men often do but should try and avoid
A still from What Happens in Vegas
Diwali is just over and it is back to being unsafe to use words like ‘the bomb’ and ‘cracker’ without being sued for workplace harassment. It was quite an ordeal because I don’t even have a full-time job in the first place. But it was a good time to ponder over all the common gestures that we men indulge in without even realising that they are inappropriate. By inappropriate, I mean extremely rude and highly insulting for our female friends to the point that not only may they consider not continuing to be friends with us but may also contemplate reporting us to the authorities for harbouring and/or purveying such sick archaic stereotypes and dirty mindsets; just in case you missed that.
Here are a few things that we men do that we should try and avoid. Conversely, when ladies, should you chance upon a fellow male indulging in such activities, please be more understanding of our innate brutish default setting which makes us oblivious to such transgressions. Compliments: A compliment is when you congratulate someone on something positive that they are either in possession of or are clearly exhibiting. Henceforth, we men are to refrain from all such remarks. A compliment should be restricted to weather or maybe one’s political tastes. Even in the case of women you know — wives, sisters — compliments may only be exchanged and should be of equal measure. Eye make-up for an eye make-up. No extra sugar-coating nothings.
Paying the bill: For long, we men have tried to rub the breadwinner badge in the faces of lovely damsels. They work hard and their money is as hard-earned as yours. Do not belittle it by asking them to save it for the ‘next time’. Instead split the bill, every time. No matter the amount, do not allow yourself to become prey to this very passive form of disrespect. I have gone a step further and let women pick up the entire tab at fine dining places.
Driving: We all know, women are horrible drivers but they still offer a better surviving chance of getting home when we men have had one too many. OK, scratch that, how about this: when you are drunk you won’t mind a woman’s driving that much. We men shouldn’t comment on anybody doing anything, not on friends not asking for directions, or on kids wasting away their youth, and certainly not on women who take up position behind the steering wheel.
Cooking: For long men have been chefs, strutting about like peacocks in the most hallowed of kitchens. This has to stop. And the strutting has to go too. Instead women should be allowed to step up and cook up a frenzy. There has to be equality in every realm and the kitchen is no-man’s land. If you are a man who prides himself on helping around the house especially in the culinary sphere, learn to suck it up and stay away.
Hygiene: Try and live in a bit of a squalor — you’ll be surprised to see how easy it can be after the first few minutes — and leave a trail of trash in your wake. Wherever you go, don’t bother replacing things in their place or generally being fastidious. Let the women cherish the feeling of being more responsible human beings and give them the deeper sense of accomplishment.
Picking up a stray boxer or used dental floss doesn’t amount to much when you think of it, but to women it represents delivering the world from the edge of dirty drudgery. Follow these simple steps and win the heart back of your ever-beloved partner. You’ll thank me no ends for this advice.
The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine
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