Well-meaning interest in your partner’s work life can be misconstrued as interference
Still from The Proposal
In the minefield that is the modern-day relationship, the work lives of both partners can be a major trigger for an all-out war. Whether it is about how much time you spend at work, or share a workspace and therefore, overlapping equations there’s quite the chance your professional sphere will intrude in your personal one. There’s also another kind of situation that some couples find themselves in when one partner tries to control the work life of the other.
While asking one’s partner for advice when faced with a difficult work decision may seem like the most natural thing in the world, the situation can turn extreme if one partner bullies the other into taking certain decisions, or tries to direct their behaviour pertaining to work. Experts say that a line has to be drawn when it comes to how much you intrude into your partner’s work-related activities or decisions.
“You may be well-informed regarding their current scenario at work, however, do remember that questioning your partner too much may put them off,” says Devanshi Gandhi, life coach. “They may not appreciate what seems like your interference. The best approach would be to give suggestions only when asked.”
Experts also point out that a partner may be tempted to control the other’s work life, especially when it seems like their career ascendancy isn’t occurring on the same lines as yours. “We all have our own personal graphs. We ascend the ladder of our respective journeys in our own way. If that is disturbed or encroached upon, it creates unrest.
Sometimes, the other partner might feel under confident, especially if their significant other critiques their work too much,” says drama therapist Chetna Mehrotra.
Chetna also shows why it’s in your own interest to avoid giving one suggestion too many. “Constructive feedback is good; however too much of it creates nuisance value. Your suggestions might lose their value,” she says.
Work-related intrusiveness can also express itself in trying to control your partner’s income. Devanshi Gandhi suggests a rule of thumb that helps you navigate between looking out for your mutual interests and not encroaching on your partner’s personal space: “Is what you’re concerned about a common goal, or a personal one? If it is a common goal, you must express what you want/need to. But if it is your partner’s personal goal, then your suggestions should not be intrusive,” she advises.
So why are we tempted to interfere in or control our partner’s work lives? The reasons, say experts, are down to lack of trust and insecurity. “It is only when you openly and confidently communicate your fears that you can put them to rest,” says life coach Khyati Birla. “In secure relationships, there are opinions offered, never attempts to control.”
Khyati adds that you cannot lose sight of your own goals either: “It’s unrealistic to think that you can meet all of your partner’s needs. You do have other roles to play. Having an independent, productive life of your own is paramount.”
( Source : dc correspondent )
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