Having a set of parents imposed is never pleasant No matter how good they are, they are still in-laws!
Still from Modern Family
There was a time when a nuclear family comprised a minimum of 15 members, the immediate family was a truckload of people and the idea of cousins only began after four degrees of separation. And they were happy times for you rarely crossed a family member more than twice a day and rarely alone, hence there was always someone to keep it cushioned and start an interaction.
But things have changed since. Families have shrunken to numbers that can gather around a coffee table and then they sit and don’t drink coffee, or even converse, choosing instead to be wrapped up in their individual virtual worlds as accessed via phones, tablets, and what-not. And yet, women who live with their in-laws would much prefer this collective solitude of a nuclear dinner table than to have to put up with a gap that’s a generation wide and can mostly be classified under the nomenclature, “significant half’s baggage”.
Yes, I am talking about “living with the in-laws”, the 19th century term that makes “keeping up with the Joneses” seem like an archaic English term, and a tenth of a problem. There is no right way to approach the issue. Now let’s all admit that we have all had more than a few moments when we have hated our own parents, wished to have been born with a separate set, even plotted to send them to Siberia, or something as distancing and discreet. Now that’s our own blood and tissue, and yet we’ve been at points in our lives when we’d swap them for a few pints of beer or a half-tank of gas. Now imagine having to put up with a set that you weren’t obligated to be nice to.
That set are the in-laws. No matter how good they are, they are still in-laws and if it weren’t for the word ‘law’ to keep us under control, we’d contemplate taking swift and necessary action.
There is no denying that having a set of parents imposed is never pleasant and can be quite tricky. Here are a few ways to keep things civil.
- Don’t jump into calling them mom and dad from the day you step into the house. Instead, let them know of your discomfort (silently) with such forced nomenclatures.
- As long as possible, have separate kitchens.
- Try and keep different schedules. That way you avoid confrontations.
- Stay busy; if you can’t, look busy.
- Don’t be passive-aggressive. That’s like playing chess on a board the size of your house and unless you have 64 rooms, you will get cornered fast. So, stay away from that hostile behaviour.
- At the first sign of trouble, tell your husband but in case of repeats, sound the alarm with them directly and not with your husband.
- Pre-nuptials don’t do much for Indians but put in some clause for having a day sans in-laws.
- Make sure you always remember the golden rule of life: “If you don’t want to do something forever, do it terribly the first time!” That way nobody asks you again. Better to be thought a tool than to have to use one.
- Do not, I repeat, do not unleash your parents on your man!
The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine
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