Mumbai: Your body’s natural response post sex may be to roll over and slip into non-REM sleep.
Some people even stay up to talk but end up creating more damage by saying stupid things.
Here’s how you nail an after-sex speech
*Quit talking about feeling fat
Why on earth would a man who is battling heavy eyelids and a worn out body just to talk to you, want to hear about how fat and flabby you feel just after he’s had the romp session of his life? Talk about a conversational put-off. No man wants to hear that even when he’s two Red Bulls and a Gatorade down, so post-coitus complaining is the worst kind of attention-seeking conversation you can subject him to. The responsibility of bed-time chivalry is awfully skewed in the man’s direction but that doesn’t mean women should not do their bit to make the moment more intimate and less cranky. It’s rather unfair to accuse the man of dozing off when you’re doing precious little to hold his attention after he’s had a full-body workout. Feeling fat after sex? Just think of the calories you would’ve burnt and feel better. Don’t bring out your self-pity negligee.
*Analyze with care. Avoid all size/time talk please
It’s one thing to gush and giggle about having had such a wonderful time in bed but a whole different ball game (ahem) to do a complete post-mortem of the just concluded intercourse. Whatever you do, don’t even think about making some loose statement like, “Wow, that was...quick” or “I thought you’d be bigger”. The rule of thumb is that for every point with negative overtones you must say three positive things about the intercourse. It is remarkable that men actually say some of the nicest things in the run-up to sex, possibly because of their inherent preference for the chase over the catch. But the same species would struggle to come up with something genuinely wonderful to say for just five minutes before dozing off. Unless the sex was terribly disappointing, it shouldn’t be all that hard to be pleasant for a few minutes afterwards.
*Sleep abets insecurity
Unless you’re fully aware of your partner’s body clock, it can be rather rude to be with a man who finishes and then rolls on to his side to doze off. Women are often left wondering if there’s something uninteresting about them that causes men to sleep off. Men please note that that can be an unsettling feeling for a woman and does little to boost her morale or self-esteem. In fact, silence in bed can breed unnecessary insecurities.
*Orgasm key to trust issues
People often feel judged when sex is discussed just after one is spent and simply in need of a cool off period. If you find it hard to speak of the just-concluded session, you could simply say nice things about one another. It’s really that simple. Science has it that women are so flushed with oxytocin post-sex that the feel-good hormone also triggers in then an abundance of trust. Which is why you’d find that they are more likely to drop their guard and speak of things that truly matter to them once they’ve achieved an orgasm. Of course it’s a whole other matter that many men barely let a woman finish once they have climaxed so there’s a good chance they’ve never experienced the joys of an uninhibited woman.
Women feel they are most vulnerable after sex because they are literally and figuratively feeling exposed. So they end up speaking their hearts out, something men are not prepared to because the testosterone does not evoke in them a similar response. That said, just because the hormones are stacked in your favour doesn’t mean you talk about your future children to a man who just heaved a sigh of relief.
