Hyderabad: The infamous scuffle between Hollywood actor Orlando Bloom and pop star Justin Bieber (allegedly over Bloom’s ex-wife, supermodel Miranda Kerr) has spawned a series of hilarious memes, much conjecture about what really transpired and prompted celebrity friends to “pick sides” (“Team Bloom or Team Bieber?” seems the inescapable question since the incident).
But it’s also raised some pertinent questions on how you can defuse a potentially explosive situation, without letting it escalate into a physical attack. “Anger is a chink in your armour, it indicates the areas where you’re most vulnerable and leaves you open to those who may pick up on your weak points,” says life coach Khyati Birla. She advocates that you figure out what is causing the feeling of rage before acting on it: “Is it frustration, fear, pain? Once you figure that out, you can formulate your strategy for handling it accordingly. Always remember that those who anger you, control you.”
The first few minutes after the provocation are crucial in determining how the response to it will play out, and whether it will escalate or calm the situation. Something as simple as taking five deep breaths can ensure that you respond in a calm manner, says life coach Devanshi Gandhi.
Other things you can do include “drinking a glass of water or excusing yourself and retiring to a private area”. “Do realise that this is only a matter of a few minutes. If you manage to calm your temper during those minutes, this will help the situation slowly come back to normal,” she points out.
While striking back may sometimes seem justified, considering the provocation, a good reason to refrain is because bystanders or those around you could end up hurt or intimidated, says psychiatrist Dr Sharita Shah. Tact is essential in how you respond, and she cautions, “Remember that getting physical is not the answer to anything at all… Take a few moments to gather your thoughts and then put your point across in the best way possible.”
In certain situations, hitting back may be considered an appropriate response, especially when it’s a case of self-defence, in which context, a victim taking violent recourse against his or her attacker might have social sanction and approval as well.
But there’s still nothing wrong in simply walking away from a potentially explosive confrontation.
“It’s a strong strategy to keep yourself in control,” says Khyati Birla. “It’s not about what people think, it’s about maintaining your dignity.”
