Second thoughts about one-night stands

Hyderabad: When recently invited to speak to students on college life, survival and life issues, somewhere along the line the obvious subject that came to the fore was sex, and I was asked my viewpoint on one-night stands. What made it even more difficult was that it was a mixed audience of boys and girls.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a Victorian but I do believe, especially for a girl, it can be an experience that leaves her feeling ravaged and unfulfilled. No I’m not from primitive ages, when I say that women are more emotional, tend to build attachments and get hurt more easily than men. This is, of course, not the thumb rule, today’s metrosexual man is also capable of depth and attachment to his woman, but biologically, a woman tends to get attached and feel clingy especially when her hormones act up.

Like it or not, many Indian men enjoy the chemistry and the physicality, but when it comes to marriage they still prefer to go with the more conservative approach, a one-man type of girl. It’ll take some time to change that mindset.

As hinted by Akshay Kumar in the film Holiday, guys are often averse to the virginal, inexperienced variety of women for marriage. They often seek an equal partner, who walks shoulder to shoulder with her man, is great in the sack and fun to converse with rather than a shy, retiring and unable to give and get what she desires.

The downside, I realised, besides the fear that a girl may get attached or the guy may talk post the experience is that one-night stands may give you a certain kind of reputation at office or even where you live, and unless you are thick-skinned, you are bound to get hurt.

The other problem you might face is the morning after and how you deal with the situation. In Band Baaja Baaraat, Anushka Sharma like the 21st century girl she is, deals with the morning after happily, but Ranveer Singh is the one who is uncomfortable and feels that he will be trapped into dating her. He can’t seem to deal with the baggage, and they then go into a Cold War situation.

Researches suggest that the relationship quality of partners who wait to jump into bed until they get serious have a higher chance of survival and are of better fabric. Dating and waiting ensure that you haven’t jumped the gun and that you actually have the connect for the longer term and that you did not just imagine the chemistry after a few glasses of wine. There is also evidence to suggest that people who frequently get into short term trysts or one-night stands do not have the interest or mindset to work at developing a relationship and nurturing a rapport and the ability to create long term ties.

You must remember that to work to get anything, be it a book, a car, a girl or a guy gains in value and preciousness only after some hard work and dedication goes into acquiring it. So, invest some time and build something with more value, so that you can enjoy a much more meaningful and sustained relationship. It is healthier, safer and kinder to your emotions, your self and the investments you make in terms of time, effort and feelings.