Mumbai: “It is always the little things that build up. Often there is no dramatic reason for discontent in marriages. It seeps in slowly over the years. You do not realise when or how the easy familiarity gets replaced by a “taken-for-granted” attitude over the years.
By the time you do, it is often late. Habits have been formed, patterns have been set and comfort zones have been established — a zone that is hard to get out of,” says the author of The Secret Wish List.
A relationship is like a tree, which needs regular nurturing and care to grow. Similarly, a marriage or romance needs constant attention, cultivation and encouragement. Interaction and communication between the partners is of greatest importance as is the ability to grow together. The interesting thing a lot of people miss out on is the need to keep pace.
For instance, if a woman is excited by the fancy world of arts and literature and the man is mostly keen on finance and related affairs but continues in his haze of numbers and makes no effort to appreciate the cultural world that fires up his woman’s soul, then there begins the cavity.
Since the physical chemistry and helpless passion that took much of the mind, space and time initially have now been tempered, there need to be other avenues that draw a couple together.
Another important theory I hold onto is that physical chemistry too has to be kept going. Both partners have to work at keeping it alive, keeping the sex appeal going. After a point, it’s quite obvious that everything in life needs reinvention and some added efforts.
What was an exciting vortex of passion now needs to be invigorated. The wife must not be too honest about her beauty treatments and roam around with face packs and rollers in the hair or discuss laser hair removal candidly, and the man must also not be too candid about indigestion. It’s just a put off.
To retain mystery, some sensual secrecy is alluring. Not everything must be out in the open — like a gutted out bland fish on a platter laid out on a cooking table. There should be some excitement, sensuous mystique and some things left unsaid to be figured out.
Stress, anxiety and arguments can kill your relationship. I’m not saying disagreements and disputes are not normal in a relationship but never ever sleep with a fight unresolved.
Sort it out, kiss, make up and remember that the passion is way more intense and exciting after sorting out a fight.
Emotions are heightened and it all goes in the right direction. Stress creates carbuncles and warts in your relationship. Just get it out of the system.
Relationships shout out for nurturing and what was once so natural has to be a little worked on.
Nothing will pay richer dividends than your relationship with your partner; so put your heart and mind into it with equal measures of excitement, love and ingenuity.
The author is a luxury consultant and lifestyle columnist. You can mail her at firstname.lastname@example.org