Back from the brink

Mumbai: When a video of a seemingly “drug addled” Angelina Jolie shot in the ’90s, was released by a website recently, it whipped up a lot of interest. The 39-year-old actress is well known for her roles of substance, humanitarian work and for being a super mom to the six kids she has with partner Brad Pitt. But when the video, taken in the days when Angie was in her 20s and reportedly using drugs, resurfaced, the focus was back on her “wild ways”. Angelina herself has admitted that she has had several dark chapters in her past, and has moved on from them.

What happens when an image or life or career that you’ve worked very hard to build over several years is endangered because a mistake you made in the past resurfaces? “People say the past is history, but sometimes it stands right in front of you and you have no choice but to look it in the eye,” says image consultant Chetna Mehrotra. “What’s most important at these times,” she adds, “is to maintain a dignified presence.”

Indeed, experts say that defending, denying or justifying (the past act) will only make the situation worse, and that accepting the truth is the only solution.

Devanshi Gandhi, the founder of the DreamWeavers Image Management Studio says the past can become a cloud that hangs over your everyday life, bringing with it, heartache, depression, and destructive behaviour. She advises clients follow a four-step approach in such situations: “Accept that what has happened, has happened and that you cannot change it; face it — acknowledge your past and move on; let go — as carrying around past baggage can have detrimental effects on your present; and move on — with the knowledge that you had a bad phase, and had the courage to go forward.”

The past can haunt you in many ways, acknowledges life coach Khyati Birla. This can take the form of not just being faced with evidence of what you now see as a regrettable lapse, but also a bad decision, or an experience of being victimised. She says a few positive steps can help in regaining the sense of personal power that you may feel you have conceded in such a case.

“Go back to the situation in your mind, do this with a cognitive behavioural coach or therapist if you feel uncomfortable doing this alone. Examine the emotions you feel, as this is the first step in the process of letting go,” advises Khyati.

She also recommends working with a support group of people who have faced similar situations as it is a good way to find out different ways of dealing with the problem. The reverse is also possible, where you can inspire other people with your response. “When someone else ‘comes clean’, it gives people the hope that they too can start over,” says life coach Priya Kumar. “It is the best way to handle the past.”