Hyderabad: When 19-year-old Nick Kyrgios (ranked 144) beat Rafael Nadal, the world number 1, at Wimbledon, motivation seemed to come from an unusual quarter before the match. Apparently, Nick was spurred on to do his best because of an interview his mother gave just before the match, in which she said it might be impossible for him to win against Nadal. “My mum said in an interview she thought Rafa was too good... that made me mad and spurred me on,” Nick told the BBC.
While support and encouragement from loved ones has long been considered necessary for success, it would seem that sometimes, a dose of skepticism can be just as (if not more) inspiring.
Actress Sushmita Sen remembers the time when she participated in the Miss India pageant — and all the other contestants thought that there was no chance that anyone else would win the crown because Aishwarya Rai was a participant as well. “Aishwarya was a known model when she participated and many contestants withdrew their name and advised me to back out too,” she recalls. “I had just four dresses that I bought from Delhi’s Sarojini Nagar market and decided to go ahead. It was surreal when I won Miss Universe India and then went on to win the international pageant. For days after that, I kept jumping all around my room with the crown on my head!”
Life coach Khyati Birla says that in achieving goals, we are all driven by certain “push” and “pull” factors. “Push factors are internal, and can include trying to prove a point via a desire to acquire and/or defend things of personal importance, to comprehend and understand ourselves and our place in the world, and a desire to believe that we belong somewhere. Here you constantly feel ‘pushed’ towards the goal,” she explains.
When people whom we deem to be significant to our lives fail to understand us, that sense of being undermined can work as a “push” factor, says Khyati. She cautions, however, that “this is a painful strategy for one to resort to on a frequent basis, leading people to either let the goal go or use another push factor”.
A cue that one might pick up from Nick Kyrgios’ performance at Wimbledon is the effort to “under commit and over deliver” feels learning facilitator and image consultant Chetna Mehrotra. “His mom’s comments acted as a ‘soft trigger’. Here, the mind takes it up as a healthy challenge and then you perform in a truly triumphant way,” she explains.
Chetna adds two terms to the understanding of this motivational mechanism: “Optimistic pessimism” and “negative enquiry”.
She explains optimistic pessimism as being prepared for the worst (“this means to play as if someone told you that you can never win, play with that passion and determination”) and negative enquiry as asking yourself, “am I prepared” or “do I know this”.
But not everyone is up for the task of turning criticism or negative feedback into fuel for achieving their goals. In fact, in some individuals, it may even have the opposite effect, undermining their sense of confidence and self worth. “Everybody reacts to different stimuli, so it is important to analyse and then see what works for you,” cautions renowned psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty. “Some react to praise, others react to examples, or compassion and the like. You need to identify what works with an individual and then work with it. The fear model doesn’t largely work with people.”
