Mumbai: Hamare zamane mein sachcha pyaar would stalk you, call you, give you Archies cards and hang around the bus-stop when you left and arrived. It would be everywhere in the market, at the Diwali fete, outside the school, college, and one day when your mother came home early. That would seal it. Or break it, like for ever.
These days sachcha pyaar is like an expensive T-shirt. It must fit well, look great and say something about you. But just because you like it, buy it, there’s no guarantee that you’ll keep it. Kids these days carry the bill in their back-pocket. It can be taken out, the T-shirt removed and returned at any time.
But fear not, for MTV has taken it upon itself to find sachcha pyaar for pretty young boys and girls. This is the seventh attempt. And if you’ve seen the earlier attempts, you’ll know that Splitsvilla is not a love nest, but a khooni gufa. Everyone who enters it turns into a bhoot or chudail under the guidance of Nikhil Chinapa.
This time Mr Chinapa has arrived with real eye-candy on his arm, Ms Sunny Leone. She’s cute beyond comprehension, and hot. And her accent? Oi Maa! It’s like a Canadian jhanda lehraoing on a Punjabi khamba.
But the game hasn’t changed. There are 7 boys and 20 girls and in every episode someone shouts “shoo”. Mostly this is done to the girls who then, screaming and ghabraoing in their heels and shoulder-less dresses, dash. Pulling and scratching the other girls, only the meanest, fittest get to the boys.
In Splitsvilla jogging on the love track means having to tackle many shaitani khopdis.
In the show’s first episode, Sunny gave the boys seven vials of elixir for seven girls. These girls were safe. Then Nikhil and Sunny made the other girls compete in various ways sexy dance, making conversation, panja-ladaoing, vagehra, vagehra till six were out.
The last I saw, S&N were making the girls squish fruits with their pert behinds and making the boys drink that juice. Chalo, I thought, love mile ya na mile, dysentery toh pakki hai, not of these love birds, but meri aur aapki.
