Does marriage or a committed relationship dampen your creative aspirations?

Filmmaker Sajid Khan seems to have raised a few hackles with his comments in a recent interview. Referring to his split from girlfriend Jacqueline Fernandez, Sajid remarked that a man is more focussed and works better when he has no woman in his life. “When you don’t have a woman in your life, you don’t have someone nagging you, so you end up working better and are more focused,” Sajid was quoted as saying. Just a day before the interview with Sajid appeared, there was one in which filmmaker Imtiaz Ali too remarked that “marriage fosters… mediocrity”.

So does being in a committed relationship or marriage prevent you from being successful, especially if you’re in a creative profession? Well, there are examples that might argue for both answers to that question. In Hollywood for instance, you have George Clooney, who until his recent engagement, chose to keep himself free of long-term, formal relationships, and has been hugely successful as an actor and filmmaker. You also have a Tom Hanks, considered among Hollywood’s finest actors, who has had a long (and reportedly happy) marriage to Rita Wilson.

Relationship experts say that neither of these instances can be generalised. Noted clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Varkha Chulani points out that for those in creative professions, a few factors come into play: “Especially if you find that you’re living out of suitcases all the time, you find it difficult to spend time with your partner. And like-mindedness is very important in a relationship. It’s only when you’re on the same page that you grow as a person and the relationship is right for you,” she says. However, she adds that this problem is one that crops up in relationships across the board. “Sometimes, a couple isn’t on the same page in their lives, and their aspirations may be greater than their relationship goals at that point in time.”

VJ-turned-actress Mini Mathur, who is married to filmmaker Kabir Khan, feels that her career entered its best phase after they tied the knot. “I got into VJing about six months after we were married,” she says, and asks, “If you have that someone who is fueling your creative passion, how can it ever be mediocre?”

Mini does agree that if you’re unhappy in a relationship, it will bring you down: “Relationships are supposed to strengthen and support you, for people who feel otherwise, it might be that they didn’t receive that space.”

Relationship expert Dr Seema Hingorrany also feels that bitter experiences could be the cause for such perceptions. “It is their perspective about how they have seen life, or experienced it. (Creative) folks have different aspirations… and it could be that in this process, they start finding their relationships mediocre,” she says.

Actress Mandira Bedi feels that having a supportive partner is paramount. “All the best things in my professional life happened after I got married. Be it the shows I anchored for TV or 24. In fact, my latest venture my sari business probably would not have taken off the way it has, if it wasn’t for my husband, Raj (Kaushal). He has always believed in me and been there to give me the right encouragement and sometimes even the necessary push in the right direction,” she says.

However, sometimes it is more about the increase in responsibilities after marriage than the lack of a supportive partner that can slow you down, feels media professional and aspiring novelist Saras Tripathi. “Sometimes I want to write but can’t because we have something or the other to take care of for the house, or for the extended family,” he says. “It’s difficult to get time for yourself.”