Do men and women love differently?
Do men and women love differently?
Mumbai: Do men and women love differently? The simple answer is yes. Experts agree that at least on certain parameters, members of both genders do differ significantly in how they think about matters of the heart, relationships and intimacy — and biological differences between men and women are often the reason. Read on to find out just how much you can blame evolution.
Sex
This is the one area of male-female interactions which seems to dominate all. So just how differently do men and women think of it? At a very basic level, even when they’re engaging in sex with a woman they’re emotionally attached to, men are a lot more focused on the actual act than women. Experts say that in the typical “foreplay-arousal-orgasm-pillow talk” stages, men are more concerned with the two stages in the middle, while women do care about the first and last phases as well. That’s why, even when women fantasise about sex, they tend to think in great detail about the scenario in which it will occur, the sensations and emotions they will feel etc. That said, men and women do express common “goals” from sex, say experts — strengthening love, commitment and seeking physical gratification.
Intimacy
Ever had this moment when you spoke to him about a lack of intimacy in your relationship, only to have him seem caught completely off guard? Before you blame him for being obtuse, you might want to consider that men and women define “intimacy” differently. Because of the way male behaviour has evolved over time, men tend to perceive intimacy as something that develops when you’re side by side. Women, however, have been similarly primed by evolution to think of intimacy as something that occurs face-to-face. For men, engaging in anything that requires you to be by his side, even a competitive sport can be a closeness booster; for women, activities that happen in a social/community context are important.
Big v/s small
Yes, size does matter, and no, we do not mean that in the context you’re most used to hearing it in. “Big” and “small” refers to the view men and women take of their roles and concerns within a relationship. Experts say that with most couples, the woman is more likely to focus on “the details” (his behaviour on a day-to-day basis, for instance) than men, who’re more concerned with how they fare on “larger” things (like, am I being a good provider?). One school of thought holds that men’s brains are programmed to “shut down” on the details that may siphon away from their ability to look at a situation in its entirety. That’s why “don’t sweat the small stuff” is a phrase you associate more with a man — with possibly a very exasperated woman glaring in his wake.
Proximity
How close is close enough? Well, don’t expect men and women to agree on the answer. Therapists have discussed cases where men were flummoxed by their wives’ contention that they didn’t spend any time together — when they were right in the next room all along, watching a match on the television! Men and women really do perceive what “proximity” means, differently. For women, it means not just a close physical presence, but an active participation with her of some kind — either in a conversation, or in some other mutual pursuit. For men, proximity is a more flexible concept — if their partner is somewhere in the same space as them (say in another room in the house), it’s close enough. If the woman were to move out of that space though, you can bet the man will register it, say experts.
Physiology
While our understanding of male-female traits has always been that women are the more emotional ones while men are not so much, biological and evolutionary research says this isn’t really true. If anything, men respond more strongly to emotional situations — which is why their physiology has evolved in a way that protects them from potentially adverse after-effects. Research has established that it takes longer for a man’s blood pressure and immune system functioning to return to normalcy after experiencing a state of high emotion, as compared to women. With such elevated levels posing a health risk, male biology has evolved to cut down that risk. So even when they’re in love, not being emotionally expressive is actually a survival mechanism for men that’s been hard-wired into them evolutionarily.
( Source : deccan chronicle )
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