Today, fellow garlic-lovers and onion-worshippers, we shall discuss fairness. I would love to believe that we live in an ideal world, one where we men work hard and our masters are polite, elegant women with a prevailing sense of justice that would make King Midas cower. But alas we don’t; instead we live in cynical times where people judge each other by outwardly appearances and one is as loved as the extent of their riches. And, although we are still ruled by women, they are far from just, unless it serves their purpose.
But how does this rant so far relate to fairness? Oh wait, I think I got the two mixed up. I wished to mean shade of skin but somewhere mid-thought, Freud prevailed. Today is the day, when we banish all creams and gels that promote the idea of lightness of skin tone in the same, err… ’tone’ that Hitler promoted the idea of Aryan supremacy.
Women, I’d love to blame you for this trend, wanting to be fair and liked but it isn’t just you, it’s us men too. The only reasonable excuse I can muster up to defend this is because our vanities are more fragile but either way this need to be fair in order to be attractive has to stop henceforth. Growing up dark wasn’t easy for me, so I guess I harbour personal issues here somewhat.
Back to the objective, how do we do this? Ladies, frankly, we men don’t think fair is better. Blonde, in certain cases, maybe, in fact yes, but fair doesn’t matter as much. So stop buying fairness creams and learn to appreciate yourselves for the unique perfections that each of you are. That message should take care of the problem with the… damn why do they call it the fairer sex again?!
But for us men, the problem is more deep-rooted. We feel a more compelling pressure to be attractive. Look at the animal kingdom — the peacock has all the feathers, the lion has the mane. Those are the only two examples I know, but I am sure there are others that highlight this trend. And the one word reason why the male has to be attractive is simply this: survival.
Yes, that’s right. It’s not just women in the human domain that are tough to win over, it would appear that this persnickety trait of selecting a mate runs common among females in all forms. As a result, the male attractive-ness needed God’s intervention Himself — His Holy touch-up in upping it a good few notches — just so to ensure that a species doesn’t wipe out precisely a generation after it was created simply because the females refused to copulate in order to procreate.
And so, in a nutshell, that is why men use fairness creams. Tell me ladies, do you think that’s right? Is fairness on your man that important? It is only an outwardly sheen you know for inside we continue to remain flawed as ever. So, in the interest of men-kind, could I urge you women to please spread the word how fairness will not help a man, how shall I put it, get laid?
Then do quickly add that intelligence may and that could have a lot of my brethren picking up a book for once which would then enliven a lot of conversations that men have while standing around pubs doing nothing. Meanwhile let cosmetic brands re-market their current bevvy of creams as ‘Intelligence cream’ or
“Smartness gels’; we men are dumb enough to buy that too. A placebo by any other name…
And then, with the idea of skin-whitening wiped out and intelligence becoming the new black, we shall live in a more harmonious world, a world that’s fair and yet dark.
The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine
