With most young women now active on social media, marriage alliances are often made or broken based on these accounts. The first thing families do when a proposal comes, is to check the girls’ ‘accounts’. In a recent case in Karkhana, the boy’s family called off the wedding thanks to a few images on Facebook of the girl with an alleged boyfriend. The “boyfriend” had proposed and she had refused. And after finding out she was getting married to someone else, he put up photos on social media, which then led to the wedding being called off.
There are also cases where soon-to-be brides are begging friends to take down images they believe could hurt prospects. This ‘purge’ has become so common, certain circles now consider it tradition. “We know it’s going to get official soon when the girl is removing all tags,” says a social media watcher.
But observations aside, it’s obvious that social media and Indian weddings can have a rather unpleasant relationship. Counsellor Dr P.K. Chowdhary says, “Earlier, if there was a liking or an inclination towards a person it could not be established as there would be no evidence. But now, the messages, photos and even ‘likes’ are being used as evidence of a relationship."
Due to this, school and college counselors have been asking students to be careful about their photographs and comments. Namita Yadav, a school counselor said, “We educate children from Class VIII that they must not share too many photos either of themselves or their friends. Group photographs are fine but in case of couple’s photographs, invariably there are link-ups.”
Professor of Psychology, Dr G. Padma says, “College students are not ready to listen. So, in cases where we feel that parental intervention is required, we summon the elders. But the number is very few as most parents are unwilling to listen to complaints against teens.” And advocate S. Vani explains how social media has become an evidence locker to determine character. “A photograph or a message becomes a form of confirmation. How will those who have just met through an alliance clear doubts? For that reason, some families are completely against social media.”
These photos are destroying relationships, even after the ceremonies. A city couple parted ways weeks after their wedding as the husband’s family discovered photos of the bride with male friends, which were unacceptable. So, should girls and guys simply avoid social media? “It’s obvious, drunk selfies at a bar with five girls around you will not appeal to the mum-in-law. Probably the best way is avoid cameraphones. It’s extreme but when you consider cases of those posting ‘revenge photos’, imagine the fallout. With comments, tags, effects and photoshop, social photography has become a rather ugly affair.”
