Experts say custody issues can be handled amicably between separating couples
Custody issues regarding a child is a sensitive issue for separating couples. However, experts say that it can be handled amicably.
Mumbai: The latest in the Rhea Pillai-Leander Paes split is that the tennis star has put forward a petition requesting custody of their daughter. Leander has alleged that Rhea’s “irresponsible behaviour, lack of personal maternal supervision, self-indulgence, volatile temper and bohemian attitude” made her unsuitable to take care of their daughter.
A day after the contents of Leander’s petition were made public, Rhea’s high-profile friends took to social media to defend her against the allegations. Socialite Sharmila Khanna posted a Facebook message that read: “Rhea and I go back 30 years and it hurts to read that a good friend’s relationship hasn’t worked and has become public news. The Rhea I know is loving, compassionate and extremely gentle. In all these years I have known her, I’m yet to hear her raise her voice. Being a mother, her life revolves around her daughter and nothing is more important.”
Filmmaker Karan Johar too tweeted that the recent claims about Rhea were “unwarranted”, saying, “Rhea is the most loving, loyal and wonderful friend, mother and partner. I have known her for over two decades”. Another tweet from KJo read, “Sad that sometimes you have to stand and defend goodness.” Leander too has his share of supporters.
While the Leander-Rhea case isn’t likely to die down soon, experts — and couples who’ve been through the experience — say that seeking custody of your children needn’t get ugly.
Actor Saif Ali Khan, for instance, harks back to his own experience with ex-wife Amrita Singh and says, “There is no reason to make things ugly when they can be sorted out peacefully. This is what is good for the parents as well as the children. Amrita is a wonderful mother and she has brought up the kids so well. It was a personal decision for us.”
The pitfall to avoid in a such a situation, says leading Mumbai-based advocate Fazaa Shroff-Garg, is for parents to treat their children like “personal property”. “They think just because they contribute financially or because they are bringing them up that they have some sort of propriety claim over their children. Very rarely do the parents realise in their personal war against each other that the children are human beings who are absorbing everything around them. Sometimes fathers want to deprive mothers of the children and at others, it’s the other way around,” she says.
Every family’s journey and struggle is different, Fazaa says, and it’s difficult to recommend a generalised solution in such a situation. However, what is important is not to use your child as a pawn. “I always advise my clients to stop speaking ill of their spouse in front of or directly to the children — and instead focus on showing them how adamant you are about parenting them together as a team and never letting them feel neglected or unloved,” she adds.
Seeking family counselling also helps in setting guidelines for your behaviour towards the children and each other; and in ensuring that everyone’s welfare is kept in mind.
( Source : deccan chronicle )
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