There are lots of sites that will happily dole out advice on what are the points to be kept in mind while dating an older man or a much younger woman. Not many people are telling you what to do each time you’re caught in a spot that amplifies the age gap. Read on to know how you should balance the fine line.
It’s not the last resort.
Friends, as helpful and supportive as they should be, are in fact the first to raise red flags about the generational gap. While it is well within the framework of a friendship to be cautious, it can be deeply annoying when they presume that your choice for someone much older or much younger is because you have given up on people your own age.
While that may be the thinking behind some people resorting to relationships irrespective of major age chasms, a large section of those in such relationships fall into them quite like most other romantic relationships — by accident and without the faintest idea of how they will deal with obstacles or challenges to come.
The idea of “being swept off one’s feet” comes from the notion that one was totally not anticipating the situation of falling in love with someone, so to presume that one has chosen a much older partner or a much younger one only because all same age options have been exhausted is nothing but condescending. Make sure you tell them that.
Trying too hard helps no one.
Dating someone much younger means trying to understand contemporary trends and getting your head around what makes the world tick as of today. So while it is a good idea to be aware of what hogs your partner’s idea of pop culture, it makes it overwhelmingly strenuous for both you and your much younger partner when you try too hard.
It’s humanly impossible to be as clued in to Lily Allen as it is to be with the Maxwell’s iconic innings. So update yourself where necessary but if you cannot figure something out or feel that you completely lack the aptitude for a certain subject, don’t flog yourself over it.
Not only do you put pressure on yourself to learn but you also put pressure on your partner to accept your efforts and laud them. Broach the issue as you would when you’re in a new country.
You pick up hints of the culture, explore only those areas that you take a liking to and generally come back more knowledgeable and relaxed. It’s not worth it if it’s stressing you out.
Exes of your age
They can seriously be the worst kind of detractors. Not only can they be a case of sour grapes, but they also somehow believe that they made you look much below your own years in the hopes of finding true love. That’s nothing but an inflated ego talking, especially since you finding love may have little to do with your ex having messed you up many moons ago.
So no matter how much you’ve moved on, don’t even bother responding to barbs about dating someone much younger or much older. Nobody questions you for preferring beer over vodka or single malts over rum, they really mustn’t question you over who you pick to commit yourself to. If the ex continues to be an important part of your life, then make sure you put him/her at ease and not let them feel guilty for your dating choices.
They are termed as “exes” for a reason: it is just a chapter from the past.
When i was as young
We hated it when our parents went on that whole “When I was your age...” spiel. “When I was your age, I had my life sorted...” or “...I was already a parent...” or so many other such statements that would instantly make up feel like we’re working at a snail’s pace, or worse, that we’re thoroughly worthless.
So if we hated our parents going that road, imagine how grating it would be to endure one’s partner doing the same. “Oh that album was released even before you were born...so what would you know?” Ya right. So just because the Taj Mahal was built before you were born doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate it.
Older people may do their best to try and bridge the age barrier, but spare a moment for the efforts being made by those at the shallow end of the age pool. At no point in time should you sound like the parent; particularly while nagging.
Breakup honestly
As much as we’d all like to move on beyond our own mental barriers and accept life and the people in our lives without baggage, not all of us can make that walk across the bridge.
So if you’ve tried everything to surpass the mountain of age barriers, but your efforts go in vain because you realise this age discrepancy is a bit too much for you to simply tide along, then call it quits and say so. Don’t find other reasons to breakup.
Be fair and tell your partner that you’re finding it too tiresome to try and not be your age all the time or whatever else you feel is weighing you down. Not only will you be honestly assessing your own shortcomings but you’ll be doing your partner a big favour by letting them now that having an older man or younger one is a lot more hard work than you’ll were willing to admit to while the romance was still fresh.
