Bangalore: These days many of my single male friends seem to gravitate towards young girls in their quest for long-standing relationships and marriage.
And of course, we know about the cougar trend of older experienced women and young men. So one sees that age gaps in relationships is a new age trend that is catching momentum all over the world. My question then is, how practical is it in the long run? Does it work?
After watching many relationships with immense age gaps, my observation is that the relationship while presented with some challenges is no less real, long lasting or meaningful. Infact, the partners work harder as they are cognisant of the fact that society and family are sceptical, and are more mindful of holding on. They put greater effort into working it.
But it is important to look at the practical aspect of bringing up kids and fertility of a spouse or partner when going for too enormous an age gap. Yes, age is just a number in the face of love and passion, but in a long term relationship, one really does have to consider the practical aspect.
I recently met a friend who is in her thirties and is dating a man in his seventies. He is sexy and famous, but what concerns me is the thought of their kids. She’ll be alone and he’ll be long gone when she will be looking for companionship in the evening of her life.
So before you jump the gun, explore within yourself the reasons you are going into the relationship, and weigh the pros and cons. You do realise that this is necessary in any relationship anyway, but careful assessment is quite necessary in a larger age gap relationship. And yes, sometimes all assessments do fail and in man-woman relationships there can be guidelines and handed down experiences and wisdom.
Tabloids cited that film actress Amrita Singh called off a near marriage with actor Vinod Khanna citing the age gap as an issue that may later crack the idyll. But a young match with Saif Ali Khan broke down nevertheless. And the corollary to that story was ironic when Vinod Khanna went on to marry a much younger Kavita Daftary and is still most happily married to her with two young daughters.
I think the operatives that work are friendship, easy communication, companionship, and if the relationship can include common interests, perspectives and values — that’s a load of brownie points. But these are the very things that, once the euphoric liaison shifts gears to the more mundane married life, will be found conspicuous by their likely absence in the age gap scene. And yet, love may conquer all, as they say, if there is an ability to put the other before one’s self, in true caring.
All said and done, it’s a difficult path and best considered after you consider underlying reasoning and assess whether you seek to fill some underlying lacuna by bringing into your life a parental figure or even a financial sugar daddy or a wealthy heiress than a romantic partner.
Once you have examined the repercussions and gone with the decision, don’t harp upon the age differences, but enjoy the relationship and play up the advantages.
Be prepared for generational differences in perspective and accommodate them into your life, nothing like humour to get over some awkward moments, if any.
Grow with the experience of an older partner or then allow for some immaturity from a younger partner, guide them gently and not like a parent, but like a lover. Also, ensure that your money is not a step ladder for a younger partner.
