Too many arguments with your partner and you can’t see eye-to-eye? Here are five reasons why you should consider couples therapy
Communication breakdown
Couples often seek professional counselling because they have identified an impasse in their ability to state their concerns or feelings clearly and in a non-defensive way. It can be mighty frustrating if every conversation leads into a screaming match even if the discussion was meant to be about what food to order. You reach a stage where the possibility of a conversation only makes you shudder and you’ll end up keeping all talk to the bare minimum. Status quo can be maintained only until the next fight. If that doesn’t scream for help, then God alone knows what does. It could just be a phase, but there’s a fair chance it isn’t.
A non existent intimate life
Unless you are one of those couples that are decidedly asexual and have miraculously synchronised sexual needs (or the lack of it), one of the red flags in a healthy relationship is a depleted sex life. It only makes matters worse when one of you wants it and the other really couldn’t care for it all that much. The quantum of sex in a relationship is subjective — preferences, time and space play a big role in deciding how much is adequate and how much is inadequate. If you feel that the intimacy is not enough, let alone sex, you might want to talk about it to your partner. If your partner doesn’t think it’s an issue but you do, the conversation is not over.
Inability to iron out frustrating issues
Living in the past has helped nobody, okay may be a poet. But dwelling on matters that are no longer relevant to your current relationship will only make things uncomfortable for you and your partner. It will also blow your chance for a future with your partner since you would seem hell bent on ruining the present. If it’s not the past that is coming to haunt you but unresolved, recurring issues, then you have got to make time to discuss matters. Maintaining status quo is not a solution when clearly the issue is becoming your tinderbox. Sometimes asking a third person, in this case a therapist, to listen will bring in a perspective you hadn’t even considered.
Being kept in the dark about finances
An increasing number of couples are operating their finances independently and keep joint accounts or investments to the bare minimum. It works out fine as it gives one the independence they’d like and at the same time keeps the partner in the loop regarding major investments. However, the arrangement doesn’t work out all that well for people who have exhausted three credit limits without informing their partners or worse, are drowning in debt thanks to an uncontrollable gambling problem. If you stumble upon such problems, talk to your partner. Should the discussion fail, it might be time to call that therapist you thought you wouldn’t call.
You still love your partner
You may have reached a stage when you can barely stand the presence of your partner. You’d imagine that the slightest raised voice is only going to cause a downward emotional spiral and after a long day at work, that’s really the last thing you’d want. Your partner hardly has a kind word to say anymore and you’re often left wondering if being in this relationship has become a chore. Yet, deep down inside, when you think about it, you know you still care for your partner and you still can think of the reasons why you fell in love with him or her in the first place. The current problems may seem to outweigh your feelings for the person, but if you feel like there is the slightest chance to put the relationship back on track, you should not hesitate to call for help. It’ll be the most important decision you end up making.
