The Shashi Tharoor-Sunanda Twitter scandal, and the eventual tragedy, has allowed the world to ask that question once again.
Why are we unfaithful? But before we proceed any further into this piece, it must be noted that Tharoor’s fidelity is still under investigation and it remains unclear if the Union minister was indeed involved in a cross-border fling which could’ve triggered a suicide.
But the Tharoor case fits a description. A flamboyant, smart and savvy public figure, surrounded by awe-struck admirers and a marriage that has taken a hit due to an alleged misstep. We have seen this before, even inside the Oval Office — where an intern and the free world’s most powerful man famously got into trouble for sharing a mutual love for cigars. But on a serious note, why do we cheat? Why do we turn unfaithful and find comfort in a stranger’s arms, when a marriage seems to be going perfectly fine?
So, let’s get deeper — because science it seems, has a few answers.
Dr K. Prashanth, a clinical pyschologist at Yashoda Hospital, Somajiguda, explains the very interesting, Theory of Moral Development, by Dr Lawrence Kohlberg. “Basically, there are three levels of morality in humans: Pre-conventional, conventional and post-conventional.
Let’s take the example of a man riding a bike (or if you’re the cheating French President, a scooter) and trying to jump the signal. Men in the pre-conventional category, have low levels of morality. They would jump the signal and then pay or not pay challans. Meanwhile, men in conventional category would think a bit before jumping the signal and finally, in the “very rare” post-conventional category, men would never jump the signal, for the sake, and as example, to humanity.
“Men usually fall between the pre-conventional and the conventional categories.”
Dr Prashanth adds: “Also, we had actually done a study in the US, which showed that women have high levels of morality. And the research also smashed the assumption that Americans have low morals — it’s definitely not the case.”
The ‘gratification’ problem
“Men only understand extremities, in rewards or punishment. If men were to procreate, that would be impossible because, we, men, are not programmed for severe discomfort. Women, meanwhile, can delay gratification and they can wait for it. It’s not that women don’t have desires, but they can delay gratification. Also, men in positions of power and influence — handsome and intelligent men — indulge in what is called ‘rationalisation and justification’. It means, they think what they do personally is of no business to anybody else as they feel they’re meant for the greater good of the society. So, you know, it starts by breaking ‘small rules’.
The Power trip
Dr D. Narayana Reddy, chairperson of the council of sex education and parenthood international explains a few “high profile traits”. “It is difficult to generalise and explain this behaviour. It is also perplexing to think why high-profile celebrities, who have beautiful wives and seemingly enviable lives, take the risks,” says Dr Reddy.
“But there are some common traits. High-profile philanderers have so much power and control over their lives, they just cannot imagine getting caught.
He continues: “A serious occupational hazard of being a celebrity is thinking you are better than others, special and entitled. Celebrities are very narcissistic and have less empathy and are more likely to stray from spouses for a fling.”
Also, the thing about power is that it makes people more ego-centric and they focus on their own needs. Power also reduces a person’s ability to take on the perspectives of others and power makes people feel psychologically invincible.
Why women cheat
Dr Reddy also explains the women caught in difficult situations. “According to evolutionary biologists, if women are considering an affair, it is all about high-quality genes. Jeol D. Block, author of Broken Promises and Mended Hearts, says when men cheat, it is mostly about sex, while for women it is more of a ‘trade-off-sex’ in exchange for attention and emotional support.” So yes, here are the few bits of science that explains scandals and probable love cheats.
The Sheet
- Bill clinton: Known for the scandal that nearly killed a presidency. Apologised for it.
- Tiger Woods: Professional golf’s Mr Clean’s image was shattered. He is still recovering.
- Tarun Tejpal: Tehelka boss became a headline himself following the lift ‘attack’.
- Ashton Kutcher: Star left Demi Moore for younger friend Mila Kunis.
- Prince Charles: Was never really Diana’s husband. Later married Camilla Parker Bowles.
- François Hollande: The French President’s midnight rides are now tabloid hits.
Hopefully, the figures and the data help, before you agree for that dinner date or prepare to send that email.
