You have to decide

DR N SUCHARITA | DECCAN CHRONICLE
Published Jan 10, 2014, 3:55 pm IST
Updated Mar 19, 2019, 5:41 am IST

I am a married woman with a child . I have been with my husband for five years and now, we seem to be taking each other for granted. He has had affairs in the past and I have had no other option but to just caution him and demand that he gets his act together. But now, he is again back to his antics, what can I do? Please advice as I fought my parents to get married to him and now I have no one to turn to for help. -A lost soul

Your  helplessness to stand up for yourself  seems to be making  your  husband control the marriage.  When he is aware that you prefer  to stay in an unfulfilling marriage than seek help from your parents  he could inflict you with emotional wounds  such  as affairs and neglect.

You have a choice  whether  to be in a deceitful marriage or become independent. Ask yourself how much are you willing  to give up to be in this marriage. If you want to stay in a exploited condition for reasons best  known to you,  try to take care of yourself and your child.  Since  you restrict  your life under such circumstances you tend to become disappointed.  You may need  couple-therapy to improve  your relationship.

I am hanging around with this guy, who I like as a friend but I am aware that he has feelings for me. I do not want to get into any serious relationship because I am quite scared of commitment. However, I do not want to feel left alone so if I say not interested to his face — I fear that he might walk away and I will feel lonely. What should I do?- Anita P

While  you know  how the  guy feels you do not want to reciprocate because of commitment phobia. Closeness is needed but it seems like a prison. You want love  but it is a troubling  experience.

Check your  fears  for committing to a serious relationship. When a woman  perceives being entrapped in relationships it could indicate  fears of  attachment.  Identify if there have been issues of abandonment  and  sensitivity  to rejection that on one hand make you want closeness but on the other make you guarded that they do not intrude too much into your  space. Recognise  your  vulnerability and work  towards improving yourself.

 

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