“You men are lechers. You ogle at every woman other than your wives," Priya chastised her husband Punith. “But honey, we only appreciate beauty," shrugged Punith.
Contrary to the negative perception held by many, ogling plays a significant role in human mating strategy. A fixed eye contact elicits either of the two basic responses -retreat or approach. Males and females trade these exchanges until they are comfortable to go further and a courtship is born.
With the birth of the gender wars, ogling has found its way into the bad books. Among some women it is no longer perceived as merely “crude" or “unsophisticated", it is tantamount to unwanted sexual attention and is a transgression. It is felt to be a form of sexual bullying, a typical behaviour of the domineering male who wants to establish his supremacy by turning women into objects instead of people.
Though it has negative connotations, ogling fulfills many needs. We would all be solitary creatures if no one is given unsolicited attention. It also fulfills men's needs. The trite but true fact of life is that men are more aroused than women by visual stimulation.
Keep the following in mind:
- You can be discreet or obvious. You can be appreciative or intimidating. Watch out for the reaction.
- Sometimes an aggressive approach leaves a woman feeling highly uncomfortable. It's all in the style, conduct and context in which it is done.
- There are times when it is construed inappropriate. A woman merely trying to do her job may see ogling as an attempt to undermine her professionalism. Respect her individuality.
The writer is a sexologist. You can mail him at dr.narayana@deccanmail.com
