Gouthami is courage in its most bewitching form. The lady has the radiant glow of a fairytale angel, a butterfly-like fragility and a figure that could give the likes of Kareena Kapoor a deep complex.
Gracefully she has brought cancer to its knees. Now, after the challenge has been effectively neutralized, she is proud, almost jubilant, but she also wants to say that defeating cancer is no big deal.
“There is life after diagnosis, as you can see," Gouthami said, like she had just accomplished a magical feat, during the 'In Conversation' held as part of the IFFK on Monday.
She was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 35. Now she is 44, looking stronger and more beautiful. Gouthami has radically altered the jargon of cancer management. Instead of the usual adjectives like 'painful' or 'violent' or 'scorching', she calls chemotherapy “interesting", even lightens the generally dreaded process.
“People keep saying that your hair falls off after chemotherapy. What's the big deal," she asks. “Your hair will fall even if you get food poisoning or a fungal attack," she says.
It is not as if chemotherapy is like a visit to the barber.
“Your energy levels take a dive after chemotherapy. But after three-to-four days it will be back to normal," she says.
During these three-to-four days, when she finds it hard to even lift her head, she keeps watching television. “I watch films, serials... anything on screen. That was my reality, my anchor," she said.
During this period she also gathered people by her side, people who she felt “wanted to see her emerge victorious".
But to begin with, she had to be rational about cancer. “I spoke to the doctor and got a clear diagnosis and made sure that I did not panic or plunge into depression," she says. But then to achieve this clarity of thought she had to get over a huge emotional trauma.
“When I was diagnosed with cancer, my child was barely five and I was a single parent. My only thought was about my baby, about what would happen to her if anything happened to me," she said. “In a way this was also the impetus that kept me going," she added.
It helped to have “incredible" people around her.
Kamal Hassan, especially. “Kamal sir has been more than a pillar. He is as integral to me as any part of my body," she said, paused for a smile and continued: “I had never even once thought about the strain I was putting him through."
It was Kamal Hassan himself who brought her back to cinema. “When he was making 'Dasavatharam' he asked me whether I can do the costume designing. I did not think twice before saying yes. Before he could change his mind, I brought together a team and set about working," she says.
There is nothing about cinema Gouthami likes less. “I like anything to do with cinema, even if it is fetching coffee or other stuff I will happily do it," she said.
The actor has a special place for Malayalam films. “My Malayalam films are uniquely shining stars in my constellation," she said.
Gouthami came into Malayalam during an evolved phase of her career.
“In the beginning I was just a kid and did the usual song and dance routine. But when I started knowing more about cinema I started making different choices," she said. That was how 'His Highness Abdulla' happened, her first Malayalam film.
“All my roles in Malayalam films, be it 'His Highness Abdulla' or 'Sukrutham or Vidyarambham' are about women who fight their own battles, which in a way had prepared me for the greater battles in life," she said.
