It’s the party season, and friends host parties at this time. I find myself inundated with bbm’s of how attractive I’m looking in my profile picture, at the time I am hosting a party. All of us enjoy being invited and like feeling wanted, but what if we are forgotten at an important “do” and all our other friends are invited. I notice a common “trick” used by some people is to send a “subtle” message around the time the party is being hosted to “remind” your friend that she has forgotten you.
Only very sensitive people suffer when not invited to every party hosted and the controlling type overreact, act offended and hold you hostage to their hurt. Some even call you to chat about inane matters and you know what the call is about. Is that smart? I’d say a big “no”. Better to be forgotten for a few dinners and parties and hold your self-respect intact. Think of it as a time to rejuvenate, catch up on your reading and complete all the errands you had put on the back burner. Because what you think are subtle hints are actually the sure-shot way of eroding your self-respect and also looking over eager to attend. One party less never hurt, but loss of face sure will.
The most important question to ask yourself is whether you have ever invited your friend over. So many people expect to be invited just because they belong to the group of friends that is being invited. But etiquette and relationship management’s first pointer is that you must reciprocate invitations and if your home is small and you are ill- equipped, then take your friends out for dinner.
An acquaintance I know in Mumbai actually makes a scene, calls her friends, throws a tantrum, sends annoyed messages to the host and goes to town ranting. Does it help her image in the eyes of her cronies? Not only does it make things worse for her, but her friends actually look down upon her and joke about her.
With houses becoming smaller, property prices increasing, people often call fewer numbers to house parties. Another consideration to keep in mind is that one tends to group people according to interests and types when creating the right mix for a house party.
One cannot overlook the fact however, that your friend might be offended or put off by something. Let it pass. Your friend may not wish you to find out or then, on the other hand, may actually want you to know about the party so that you are put down and you don’t know what you did wrong. You may not be able to recollect anything you did that would have antagonised your friend. Tell yourself that this too shall pass. Remember time is the best healer and pretend that you don’t know what’s going on.
If you must speak about it and clear the air, do it after the party is over so that your friend knows that you weren’t desperate to angle an invitation and that you are interested in the long term of the relationship. Over-analysing a situation never helped. Move on and deal with bigger issues in life.
There is no better way to receive love than to give it. Spread affection and not demand attention because there is no stipulated law when it comes to friendships.
Nisha Jamval is a luxury consultant and a celebrity lifestyle columnist
