The relationship between a parent and a child has numerous facets and multiple expressions. One of them is the pressure parents feel seeing the pressure their children undergo, no matter what age the child is.
Those were the days when the parent’s word was law. If a report card did not reflect ‘straight A’s’, the child was duly punished. Not a thought was spared for whether the punishment could cause a ripple effect on the child’s future behaviour or that the child may land up in a shrink’s office. If the teenager fell in love it was generally a secret, not a situation. If adolescents got into a fight with their peers, they would resolve the issue on their own without their parents’ help.
It would be prudent to strive to do an MBA or study medicine. Thoughts of becoming a musician or bartender could not cross an ambitious young mind. “But pressure never harmed anyone” would be a parent’s reply who was bringing up the child to face the big bad world.
However, the big bad world became worse. Today this is what I see — a teenager is obsessed with the smart phone or a laptop. If these or either of these are confiscated by a parent so as to ensure studying, it wrecks the peace in the house! The parent makes a quick rule and returns it/ them hoping the order becomes a rule, the child will study and moreover peace in the house will be restored.
Parents are convincing themselves that degrees that lead to white collar professional jobs may not be after all the ‘be end’ of future careers. The child is able to convince the parent that getting straight A’s is not necessarily going to make them millionaires. So if they want to opt to become a soccer or cricket player, a musician or even a bartender, it may be okay to do so. “What is the point of putting so much pressure on the child,” they agree. “After all after studying 10 years of medicine, what is the future? More pressure,” they feel. “Let my child decide what he/she wants to do in life — no more pressure.”
Stress on the child transmits directly to the parent who realises that in the present day, peer pressure, competitiveness, multiple choices, awareness through media is breaking the confidence of many a child leading to insecurity and lack of confidence in themselves. Counseling has almost become mandatory in schools and otherwise.
Another phenomenon which is becoming acceptable among Indian parents is allowing romance in their children’s life and allowing them to hang out with the opposite sex. This was unheard of when I was growing up. It had to be a secret and when caught, a huge punishment was given. Today kids discuss their love life with their parents. Parents’ justification: “I would rather know what my child is up to than be in the dark.” I myself am guilty of breaking rules that I had made when my kids were growing up.
The other day I was talking to a Bollywood star about her child possibly joining movies. “I would rather she not,” was her answer. “She would always be compared to me and her individuality would be crushed. For a newcomer who does not come from this background, it is bad enough. Can you imagine what happens to someone who comes from a superstar background?” she continued “I would rather hope she finds a stable profession and is happy — doing whatever will keep her free from pressure,” was her well-thought out answer.
This jewellery designer provides a ringside view into the complex lives and challenges of achievers.
