I am a 22-year-old girl. I was in a relationship with a guy in my class for the past four years, which I was never happy with. He used to live off my pocket money and never encouraged my career and I found the relationship suffocating. I always wanted a break but because of his illness, I didn’t want to dump him. But I soon got fed up and because I wanted to improve my personality and career, I broke up with him. But he called me after a week, and told me that his illness had been diagnosed as a brain tumour and that he had just three years left. So now, he wants to be happy for those three years and wants to be friends with me again. But don’t trust him any more. What should I do? Should I ask his parents to take care of him? I am unable to discuss this with my family. Please advise. Priyanka
Dear Priyanka. If you don’t trust him and he causes you so much pain, it is better to walk away. Especially if he is as unwell as he says he is. If you have held on to it and given it your best shot, even though he was selfish about it, maybe you need to think about yourself now. Yes, you must talk to him and give it closure and respect. I’m sure his parents and everyone are by his side. A forceful equation is never healthy for any party. This is a crucial time for both of you and both of you need stability and grounding. This equation may only make both of you feel unstable.
I am a 19-year-old college girl. No matter how hard I study, I always fail in one subject or the other, and my parents are very upset with me. They keep calling me a ‘failure’. My mother has complained to my lecturers that I’m always on the Web. But my parents don’t realise that I have lost all confidence in me and I’m unable to share my true feelings with them. No one listens to me, or is there to counsel me. Also, my parents are constantly fighting with each other and always talk about getting divorced. My friends are afraid to come and speak on my behalf to my parents. I feel so helpless as my parents don’t even want me to interact with my friends. Please guide me.
My dear I’m sorry about your situation at home. It seems rather painful and harsh on you. Sometimes we look at our parents for direction in life. I think you must be grateful to them for everything they have done for you. But they are humans too. Maybe right now, it’s time for you to take your happiness in your own hands. If your parents are harsh towards each other and you, that means they are probably angry people by nature. Don’t think you are the problem. Maybe you need to stop depending on them for your happiness and find you own space with things you like, books, friends, inculcate a hobby, read, learn grow, play sports. Try to work harder in college. Enjoy it. Don’t indulge in these issues. One cannot change others. They can only change themselves. Be healthy. Think healthy. Be happy. Love them but don’t depend on them. You have your future ahead of you. Enjoy planning it. Find those things you will like to do. All the best.
