The grace of a human being lies in how humbly s/he accepts rejection. Which explains why we men, as a collective, have such a shitty standing in society. It’s a good thing that ageing slows us down, for it bestows upon us a wisdom that would otherwise never settle.
I was wise early on. Not about everything but certain things. Like nightclubs and dancing. I love dancing and I think I am a great dancer but I think I may be alone in this belief. In the beginning I denied it, but the facts stared me in the face for far too long. The male of every species has to do something to impress the ladies. Bears and lions fight to be the alpha male of the pack, peacocks dance to please the hens, even bees have a dance for everything, from pointing out flower patches to signalling danger. I just have a dance that is dangerous.
And so, when I was 19 or nearabouts, I longed to grow up. I imagined that older people didn’t need to strut their stuff to impress women and intellect would be more at play there. And surely if God hadn’t endowed me with Travolta-esque grace, he’d’ve allowed me some Einsteinian insight. Or at least the good sense to make a delightful conversation that isn’t entirely putting off.
And so I waited, the years went by, and I enhanced my repertoire of anecdotes and experiences. I found new vocabulary to capture the essence of it all, acquired the mannerisms to be a true gentleman, and waited for the moment when I’d be 30+ and, hopefully, in demand.
Little did I know that this little thing called social media was sitting around the corner to ruin things for me. Conversation would shrink to lesser syllables than are to be found on a matchbox. I would have tried going back to dancing but alas, disco had been replaced by music so hard and horrendous that now people didn’t even feel the need to dance with each other so they just faced a console and bobbed their hands up and down. There was no need for anecdotes nor opening doors for ladies. Equality meant that they could do it all themselves. They expected me to slap a girl on her back to show I deeply cared!
Dear women readers, please point me in the right direction. The Girl — who is a Salsa expert by the way but refuses to teach me — has graduated from calling me ‘Ungle’ to ‘Uncle’, saying that earlier I still had a cool streak but now I am just plain old. I need to know what makes society tick! No, it can’t be all Snapchat and Instagram. Surely there’s life beyond? Other men my age are perhaps in a similar conundrum; we all enjoy the nostalgia of watching those viral videos that ‘sum up our childhood in 100 seconds’ but never tell us what to do next, here, in the now.
Maybe it’s too late. Maybe next time I’ll get a fresh start and I’ll ask for dancing skills over brains. But if I come back as a bee with my current set of moves, then I am surely going to die a virgin!
The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine
