As impressionable teens, we have all watched movies in which relationships and love is portrayed as some sort of a fairytale; always with a happy ending. Now, as grownups, have we gotten a grip of reality?
While there are relationships which are pleasant and rosy, not all of them are memories we can fondly recall. Yet, youngsters today seem to believe that any relationship is better than none! A fear of being alone seems to be pushing them to remain in unhappy relationships.
Priya (name changed), a law student, having been in a relationship where she was taken for granted, despite feeling a sense of losing herself, remained in the relationship due to the fear of breaking up with him.
Stating her reasons, she says, “In the beginning of the relationship it is all merry and fun. A little time into it and you will have to put in efforts to make the relationship last. That is when the problems begin to surface. It was the same in our relationship too. After a point he didn’t have time for me and I didn’t feel good about it, but I stayed in the relationship because I didn’t want to be alone. It’s the worst thing I could imagine. I stayed long enough, before I felt like I was losing my mind, before I broke up with him.”
Running away from his wildest fear, Jacob (name changed), a student, has been in an unhappy relationship for six years. “I come from a family where I have hardly seen my parents talk. Soon after their divorce people started pointing fingers about whose fault it was and what would happen to me. The one thing I was certain about throughout this struggle was that I didn’t want to end up like that; alone. I think it is important to commit, make sacrifices and stay in a relationship no matter what. I think that is the main reason I am in the relationship despite being unhappy. I believe that things will change for better.”
A small group of people who haven’t been in such relationships have witnessed the struggle of a friend/relative. Recalling one such instance Oshin Tresa Fransis, a fashion designing student, tells us about a friend who remained in an unhappy relationship for four long years.
She says, “Having been in the relationship for three years, she found it hard to let go of him. She remained in a relationship with an extremely possessive guy who didn’t like her socialising with her friends or even cousins for that matter of fact. There have been several instances when she has called me during the night, breaking down. It was in the fourth year of the relationship that she finally had the courage to break up with him but two months later she got into a relationship very similar to the previous one. Her only explanation being that she didn’t want to be alone”
An obvious change in relationship trends is noticeable today. We, as human beings crave for a feeling of belongingness but lack the time and effort required to keep the relationship alive.
Priyanka MB, a psychologist, says that 90 per cent of her clients are people who are facing problems in such relationships. Elaborating on the cause and effects, she adds, “A lot of factors including childhood trauma and unhealthy relationship patters in the family contribute to the cause. Today relationships are more about lifestyle and a social stigma; a question of who do you have. A person who has been in such a relationship is also going to have self esteem issues and a distorted perception of themselves. It seeps into their other relationships and career. As a solution, it is important for us to learn to commit, understand, communicate and respect our partners for a healthy relationship.”
