Close for comfort

This morning while getting ready, the larger half of my bed told me that I had my belt the wrong side up. Yes, she has been with me long enough to know which side the buckle must face and that is a great feat for any woman to know about her man. But then, she went on to add that she knew about my habit of wearing belts the wrong way to equalise the stretch so that one side isn’t more elongated than the other (yes, OCD). In conclusion, she told me not to forget to put the belt right before I got to my meeting for, in all likelihood, she was sure that I would.

This could have been labelled a conversation but my nods of agreement and “yess” and “aahs” were about all the contribution from my side. She basically managed to start and logically bring a discussion to a close. I would have objected, but there was no moot point therein: Everything she had said was spot on. I do do that with my belts and I probably would have forgotten to undo it in time.

And that is how it is, dear readers — we men are such simple creatures that it takes a woman no more than half a day to figure out just how we work. Mind you, it still baffles them how we manage to survive with such simple two-circuit brains, but they know our routines and preferences better than we do ourselves.

This knowledge helps them control us. As we hear our thoughts mirrored, we play into them, wallowing in this sense of comfort that someone truly understands us. Gradually, we begin allowing them to tell us what to do because it does sound like our own thoughts, right? Mostly. For, as things move along, women not only tell us what’s on our minds, they introduce subtle changes to it too, eventually re-writing the very fabric of our lives. Remember how you used to wear polka-dotted shirts but now don’t even own any? Exactly.

This is how women come to play such pivotal roles in our lives. I have travelled the world for months on end armed with nothing more than a few sets of clothes and a toothbrush, and today I find myself incapable of packing for a weekend without feeling the need to consult. It’s not that my efficiency is reduced, it’s just gone a bit dormant ever since I started hearing my thoughts out loud from another person. Women, they are good like that. Which is why when things go belly-up, I am most keen to work on them. Unlike the younger lot who are happy to walk away and start things afresh, I am inclined to fight for retaining the comfort of being with someone who knows me better than I know myself.

So, am I saying that the only reason to stay put in a relationship is because she knows you too well, or just knows too much? No. But it is a darned good reason to consider working on it the next time you have a deal-breaker of an argument. Not just due to the threat that she will expose you for all your sensitive peeves, but for the comfort that you get from being in a set-up where you don’t have to explain and deconstruct everything. Am I sounding too preachy? Well, I sure hope not. Consider this more of management advisory. Maybe that will help put things in better perspective. And now if you have any questions, I will charge you by the hour to address them.