In a relationship, there are certain things that count as the major challenges, or milestones. Making a commitment — whether that means taking your relationship to the next level by moving in together, or trying the knot — is generally what couples think of as the “Big Step”. But as a couple navigates the ups and downs of their relationship, there are a few things that can be as difficult as (if not more) making a commitment — and we’re not even talking about deciding to have a child together. Here are five things that can be even more difficult than deciding that you want to be with your partner on a long-term basis:
Taking a joint loan
Finances — how much to spend, what to spend it on, who will be the one doing the spending — can be a minefield even for the steadiest of couples. But for a couple who’re still on shaky ground, taking joint decisions on money can be especially difficult. It may seem paradoxical, but getting out of an unhappy decision (especially if you aren’t married yet) can be a whole lot easier than getting out of a joint loan or mortgage you took, or some other financial consideration you decided to undertake together. It’s a big step indeed, and one that couples are afraid will end up keeping them together, bitter and resentful, even when one or the other partner may be wanting to split.
Facing the first major crisis
Now this could be something as trivial as your first major, all-guns-blazing argument or it could be something far more serious, like one or the other of you losing a job, a family member or friend or coping with an illness. After the sanitised phase of a relationship where you are on your best behaviour for your partner, this is when you see sides of each other that you hadn’t before. And it can provide useful cues too into whether or not he or she is someone you can be with for the long haul. A crisis also has the power to either bring you closer together as a couple or drive you apart, which is why most people in a relationship are wary of facing something like this until they’ve had a chance to settle a bit with each other.
Meeting the family
We all have them — those relatives in our family we’re embarrassed by. The kind of relatives it is a strain to put up with yourself, leave alone inflicting them on a partner. But for all that the thought may make you cringe, meeting all the skeletons in your partner’s closet (the figurative ones, of course) and introducing him or her to all the ones in yours, is crucial to establish a more meaningful, honest relationship. This is often also a difficult step for certain individuals because your family doesn’t necessarily see you with the rose-tinted glasses that your new partner may have on. They know all the bratty things you’ve done, and there’s a chance they may fondly drop a hint or two or three in your partner’s ear. As unpalatable as this may be, do remember that being together isn’t just about seeing the best of each other, it’s also about dealing with the worst.
Adopting a pet
If either (or both) of you already had a pet before entering the relationship, then this doesn’t really count as a big step. But if you decide to adopt a pet jointly after you get together, then it certainly counts. For many couples (and individuals) having a pet is kind of a precursor or is comparable to having a child. There’s suddenly this other being that is dependent on you for its survival, you have to care for it. Anything in your life — be it your daily schedule or that trip out of town — needs to be planned keeping the needs of this being in mind. For a couple, being ready to adopt a pet together generally means that they’re giving up their footloose and fancy free way of life (and approach to relationships) for something a bit more steady. And that’s a major step indeed.
Buying property
Much like a joint financial responsibility, a joint financial investment — such as buying a house or land or some other large-scale possession — is an indication that the couple is actually investing in their being together for several years down the road. Again, while a relationship based on convenience or compatibility may be got out of, having invested in a home or business together makes it that much more difficult for either of the partners to leave.
