Once upon a time, in the dark ages before cellphones and the Internet, all that Indian parents thought about while their children were at school/college was, “We must find a nice boy/girl for her/him”.
They didn’t really care if their children lived happily ever after or not: marriage was important or society would sneer at them. Even psychopaths, criminals or losers with chronic nose-pickitis would fall into the category of nice if parents were desperate.
Today young Indians sneer at old fools who think that way. They want to study, work, live it up and fall madly in love before they settle down.
These are strange, mixed-up times we live in. Wave after wave of traditional, conservative families from small towns and even village communities are joining the ranks of India’s middle class thanks to education and jobs with fat salaries.
Their children get better education and as their minds become broader, their jeans become tighter which leads to conflict with family elders who believe that the tighter the clothes, the looser the morals.
Don’t we read reports of pubs/coffee shops in small towns being vandalised by the moral police/right-wing parties because they’ve spotted young couples holding hands so vulgar, chee!
There’s only one escape from this culture clash (protest marches against moral policing don’t do the trick, as we recently saw in the “Kiss of Love” events) and that is rushing to big cities.
It’s nice out here in urban India hey you can even hold hands in public if you want just don’t kiss in public because PDA is frowned upon.
But watch it you may have just replaced your family elders with a grislier person: your landlord. I feel sorriest for single women.
Most landlords turn you away because they’re terrified that men will buzz around you like pesky bees (oh, how you wish!) and their properties will become dens of vice. Single men are treated with more indulgence however, sigh.
Now, on to the subject that makes landlords sweat: living in. It’s happening read the newspapers if you don’t believe me.
The stories are similar: small town boy tells gullible small town girl that he’ll marry her someday and she happily moves in with jars of home made pickles.
A few years down the line, when the boy decides mummy was right and he must marry a homely girl who wears shapeless salwar kameezes or mummy will weep and wheeze all the way up to Vaishno Devi with her weak heart, all hell breaks loose.
Rape charges are framed. While I’m not fond of those wimpy mamma’s boys, I’m not exactly sure if people should be sent to jail for falling out of love or just being cads.
Hey, if the relationship was consensual to begin with, don’t be spiteful. Seasoned elite urban women do it differently. Yes, they may hope that living in will lead to marriage, but if it doesn’t work out, they sob, get a haircut/hobby and announce their single status on Facebook.
Back to prissy landlords: Even married couples are eyed with suspicion if the woman retains her maiden surname I was once asked to produce my marriage certificate.
Couples in same sex relationships have it easier as long as they pretend to be buddies/colleagues. If they’re found out, however, they’re exposed as criminals even if the wickedest thing they’ve ever done in their lives is steal sachets of chilli flakes from fast food joints.
Down with Section 377, for God’s sake! Lovely from Ludhiana too knows that it’s not a crime to be gay it’s only awful politicians and religious fundamentalists who complain and none of us like them anyway! We’ve seen friends, parents and even schoolchildren cheering enthusiastically at gay rallies of late “Straight but not narrow” is their war cry and I want to see this message on T-shirts too. It’s as valid as “Dear PM, where’s my 15 lakhs?”
On a happier note, some foolish stereotypes are vanishing. You’re not a social pariah if you’re divorced, and you’re not regarded as a batty old woman knitting mufflers for cats or a perverted old man if you chose to stay single.
I’m grateful that I don’t know too many women who are willing to play Sita and beg Mother Earth to swallow them not even rape victims, thank God.
I’m thrilled that men are speaking up for women’s rights more vociferously than before and hello, lots of Indian daughters have dads who are as supportive as Malala Yousafzai’s father, if not more. Things can only get better, right?
Rupa Gulab is the author of several books on new age relationships
